Metro Bar and Bistro

Burger reviewed: The beef burger 

Venue: Metro Bar and Bistro (Perth CBD)

Date: 12/04/2013 

Today's burger adventure marks the first of many Burviews conducted in the booming Australian town of Perth. After being promised year round sunshine before I moved over here, I was quite surprised to find the first Burger Friday in my new home town was on a day in which the rain was absolutely persisting down. A sign of things to come? I am not sure. 

The first venue in the Perth CBD I managed to mosey on down to was that of Metro Bar and Bistro. A fancy looking restaurant which had a comprehensive menu full of all your favourite pub food. However, we were here for the burger so lets make like MC Hammer and  "break it down".

The patty was the star of the show - it seemed to be handmade, was cooked to a juicy medium and just melted in your mouth. But the sizing of the patty was completely wrong in that the patty was quite tall but no more than 2 inches in radius. This meant that it left a good inch of uncovered bun either side of the patty. I haven't seen something so small be that good since Romesh Kaluwitharana used to towel up Glenn McGrath in the first 15 overs of a one-dayer.

The bun was fluffy, soft and acted like a perfect sponge soaking up the juices and sauce that cascaded down its edges. But due to the sheer minuteness of the patty there were some structural integrity issues. The patty was like a wet cake of soap, just slipping around inside the bun making it difficult to sink your teeth into.

The sauce combination was delicious! A nice dollop of Heinz Big Red and a helpful lathering of what can only be described as a souvalaki style garlic sauce. Picture a sauce that is not as garlicy as a sauce that you would expect to get at 3am on a Saturday night on Brunswick Street but a much better sauce than you would get at Anthony Koutoufides' chain of souvalaki stores (what a monumental flop they have proven to be). But it could be worse for Kouta - he could be James Hird!

The toppings played their part - crispy lettuce with a couple of fairly thick cut tomato and beetroot slices. Salad on a burger is a lot like a good caddy in golf - they do their job but they never get their mug on the TV. I am talking to you Stevie Williams! Adam Scott is the hero and not you champ! 

The chips were of the highest quality. They had a superb crunch and were still fluffy and soft in the middle. It was a real pity that they were in short supply.

As this is my first Perth review, I have decided to apply a Western Australian theme to today’s sporting analogy. And to be truthful I am spoilt for choice. Some of the sporting greats hailing from or calling WA home include D.K. Lillee, Adam Gilchrist, Margaret Court, Peter Matera, Craig Parry and arguably the greatest man to ever hold a hockey stick (trust me I know) in Jamie Dwyer. 

However, as this week saw the end of March Madness in the United States (the fact that it ended in April is almost as stupid as the United States crowning their National Football League winners as 'World Champions'), I have decided to pay homage to WA's best basketballer in Lucien 'Luc' Longley. In his four years at College, a tall and slender (at the time) Longley led the University of New Mexico Lobo's to the big dance each year, only to have his teams reputation for that period tarnished by the "Lobogate" scandal - a lurid episode involving forged academic transcripts and other dishonest behaviour designed to permit individuals entirely lacking academic credentials to represent the University of New Mexico Basketball Programme. 

Clearly, Longley and the Lobo's had a few problems early on. But once Longley filled out and entered the NBA he went on to be a starting centre for the Chicago Bulls and occupied the paint in the latter of the two Chicago Bulls' three-peats in the 1990's. The 1995-1998 Bulls are arguably the greatest basketball team of all-time (in the 1995-96 season the Chicago Bulls amassed a world record 72 wins in an 82 game season en route to winning it all). The Metro burger is very similar to Luc Longley in this regard, if the patty put on a bit of size (call the Weapon! He should be free these days) and occupies more of the bun then all of a sudden this burger is a cracker.

Give it a bash if you are in the area.

Score: 35/50