Uncle Joe's (Perth)

Today’s burger adventure saw a rag tag crew of burger lovers venture down to Uncle Joe’s Mess Hall in Perth’s CBD. Uncle Joe’s also doubles as a barber and is responsible for some of the freshest (and most expensive) salads that Perth has ever seen (the irony of this is explained below). The burger of choice was Uncle Joe’s Angus Beef Burger.

(not our photo - hence, the chips)

The patty was a bit like Steph Curry in the NBA Finals – it had all the talent to put the series away but came up short when it needed to be the MVP. How about you take a unanimous seat over there Steph and have a good hard unanimous look at yourself. But I digress. The burger struck me as something which was not hand made in that it had that hockey puck shape which is typically indicative of a burger straight from the packet. But the flavour was reasonable (a bit of extra herbage may have helped) and was cooked perfectly.


The bun was the highlight of the show for mine. When it came out I instantly thought I was in for an uber sweet brioche but it was actually a pretzel style bread and had the perfect amount of crust on the outside whilst maintaining the fluffy inside. The size of the bun in proportion to the patty was spot on such that burger management was never an issue. Although it does say a little something about the burger that the side kick, being the bun, was the star of the show – call it Draymond.


The salads on the burger were virtually none existent apart from a few sprigs of rocket – call them Harrison Barnes. Whilst the salads are not the main guy on the team, you notice their lack of presence if they go missing (2 for 20 from the field in games 5 and 6 – good luck in free agency young fella). I must admit that I was slightly disappointing that the most prevalent salads at Uncle Joe’s were situated on the scalps of the customers of Uncle Joe’s Barbers. Also of note, Uncle Joe’s employed the recently favoured technique of deconstructing the burger by serving a dollop of mayo, a pickle and a teaspoon of salsa on the side. This doesn’t do much for me. Just plonk this stuff on the burger and get on with it.


The sauce combination was actually very effective – with the aforementioned mayo and a delightful seeded mustard. The use of seeded mustard is quite seldom but given it goes smashingly well with a steak then it makes sense that it would go well with a burger. The benefit of the seeded mustard is the vinegar content and its ability to cut through and neutralise the char on the burger which can be overpowering if not done well – call the sauce combo Iggy.   


There is not much I can write about the chips because there weren’t any. Just a small section of grilled corn which played a role but not what was needed in the circumstances – call the lack of chips the “King Flopper” Anderson Varejao.


Overall, the burger worked quite well as a whole but was missing a piece or two to get the job done. The burger has been talked up big time and to add to this, every hipster and his dog is now on the Uncle Joe’s fresh-cut salad bandwagon (just like everyone is on the Steph Curry bandwagon – although a few people have unanimously left that train of recent times).


In light of the above, I am coining this burger the 2016 Golden State Warriors burger. Ironically, the architect of the Golden State Warriors is a guy by the name of Joe Lacob. Perhaps he owns Uncle Joe’s. Illuminati shit right there.

Score - 36

The Reveley (Perth)

Much like Sam Smith’s feeble attempt at a “Bond song” the writing was well and truly on the wall well before we ventured down to The Reveley located at Perth’s new Elizabeth Quay.


To start with, it was the first day of 2016 where it actually rained in Perth. Given this typically occurs only 10 times a year over in the West, it was an early sign that it was going to be a tough day out there for this young player. (For those Melbournians reading this review, the writer appreciates that just surviving New Years Day without rain is cause for celebration over East, nonetheless we weren’t happy with the rain in our parade even if it was the end of April).


The Reveley opened to much fanfare down at Betty’s Jetty and being the second CBD establishment of the owners of Stables Bar, this burger enthusiast had high hopes. The three storey venue is a great addition to the Perth foreshore and when the deserted Quay finally has a tenant or two it is sure to attract regular crowds on a Friday night for a cheeky frothy.

The burger served was a Wagyu Beef burger with bacon and a side of chips for the not so poultry sum of $26.


Unlike the writer of our previous review, this writer is not going to indulge in a selfish ego boosting monologue about whether or not bacon belongs on a burger. This writer acknowledges that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and those who are of the opinion that a burger requires bacon are simply wrong.


With that out of the way our attention is turned to the burger itself, initially the rating received was slightly higher than that which was landed on as some members of the voting panel made revisions to their scoring when the burger had failed to properly digest a number of hours later.


Starting with the biggest gripe of the reviewers – the patty. Advertising a Wagyu Beef patty is a sure fire way to get this lad salivating at the prospect of a big, juicy and fresh meat patty. The false advertising here was much like Coles’ attempt at “Fresh Baked Bread”. It may have contained some form of Wagyu beef but sourcing the patty from the Coles frozen food section and then serving it up at a fine establishment like this saw the ratings heading “down down” right from the start.


The bun was of sound size and freshness, and while the Bun should never steal the limelight in “The Burger Show” when the Melbourne Stars take the field, it certainly would help if there was a little bit of Cameron White excitement (e.g. some charcoal toasting) to add some flavour to the match. (A shout out to the hipster of hipster’s – The Big Show, who was kind enough to make time in his schedule to join us for this review).


The salads were a bit of a non-event – staying with the cricket theme here they were a bit like Luke Ronchi, promising so much on paper with the suggestion of some dill pickle and caramelised onions but falling for a duck with a forward defence that leaves a mighty big gap between bun and patty. Some advice is offered at this point: wash and dry the lettuce (especially if its iceberg). I guess the expensive fitout left the owners short of enough cash to invest in a salad spinner. Or maybe it was all invested in maintaining a fresh salad atop James Faulkner’s mug.


The caramelised onion was however a great addition, and the pickles good (although lacking in quantity). Those reviewers who appreciate bacon in the burger did comment that the maple smoked bacon was a good addition and could be great if given a little more love.


Finally, it was the lack of sauces which resulted in an expensive last 5 overs for The Reveley. It was always going to be an uphill battle when you’re taken out of the attack after starting the over with 3 full bungas from Dirk Nannes and forget the Mustard. But to replace it with Michael Beer who without any discernible turn (or in this case mayo or tomato sauce) meant it was going to be a very boring finish to the match.


The saving grace for this burger was the chips. Coming in at the end of a long batting line-up to save the day like David Hussey, the fries were crispy and well coated in salt with solid aioli and tomato dipping sauces. They simply did the job in terms of quantity and got enough runs on the board to put forward a competitive total.


Overall, this burger was a big let-down for a venue that promises so much. I should note that before signing off there were some members at the table who were very satisfied with their crumbed whiting fish and chips – a dish that this reviewer is known to get just a tad excited about from time to time.


Given the good looks, significant hype and advertising one cannot help but be reminded of Jack Watts when reflecting on this burger. Like the Melbourne coaching staff we are torn by the promise of the talent displayed by the owners at Stables Bar in the reserves (e.g. the 2008 Under 18s) but since making it onto the big stage the pressure seems to have become too much to handle. Let’s hope that The Reveley doesn’t take 8 years to find its way like our mate Jack who has only now decided in 2016 to get those fingernails dirty and win his own ball every now and again.




Score - 29.4

Howling's Bar (Hood Burger)

In the immortal words of Michael Jordan from March 18, 1995:

“I’m back.”

After a hiatus of almost two years, we are delighted to announce that the Burger Friday crew have enlisted some help defence and are back bigger and better than ever. Such a glorious return to the spotlight needed to be accompanied by a burger to match (MJ played his first game back in Indiana for those playing at home) – so we wandered up the terrace to Howling’s Bar to sample the pop-up Hood Burger which has set up shop at Howling’s Bar.

Howling’s Bar is located on the busy Hay Street in the Perth CBD and was opened after a rather expensive renovation of the facilities. The first few months for Howling’s Bar were tough as they copped some heavy criticism on the interweb for their menu. To their credit, they took all of this feedback on board and enlisted the help of the pop-up stall – Hood Burger – to offer patrons an array of burger treats (and pretty much nothing else). The end result is a dude mecca which satiates the need for quality affordable burgers in the Perth CBD.

The venue itself isn’t going to knock your socks off. It feels a lot like a University nightclub which gets opened up during the day. Although it appeared that no one told the DJ – the music choice was reminiscent of the R&B room at Room 99 in Geelong – Bump, Bump, Bump…. Baby If You Give It To Me…. Independent Women. First class tunes.

The best part was that we appeared to be served by Boobarella from The Simpsons.

But enough about the venue, we are here to talk about the burger which came in at $14 with bacon plus $5 for chips.

The burger itself was in the upper echelon of Perth burgers (not an overly great achievement) in that it did the simple things right.

The patty was one of the best we have tried – it was clearly hand-made and the chef achieved the perfect balance of the Maillard Reaction and keeping the inside of the patty to a juicy medium. Pretty much full marks for the patty.

In addition to this, the bacon was cooked perfectly and the cheese was cooked on the patty whilst it was on the grill.

The sauce combination was a simple yet very effective mustard and tomato sauce. This was perfectly balance and left us thinking whether we had wandered into a fancier version of Hungry Jack’s by mistake.

As for the salads – salads on a burger are a lot like Sacremento Kings point guard Rajon Rondo, when he focuses on facilitation and making his teammates around him better then he is an asset to any team. When he lets his ego get in the way and tries to go outside of his role – he is detrimental to the locker room. Luckily, the salads on the Hood Burger knew their role and complimented the other ingredients by cutting through the richness.

Now it is at this point that I feel I need to raise what is probably the most pressing issue in burger society at the moment – does avocado belong on a burger? Or maybe a better way to phrase that question is why would anyone in their right mind believe that avocado belongs on a burger? When I think about these people I am drawn to a quote from the Dark Knight:

“Some men just want to watch the world burn.”

For some reason, one of the top-up players we enlisted the help of was on the side of avocado. I am without words.

The chips were the subject of great debate. A number of the crew were disappointed that the chips were dry. My response to this is two-fold:

1.      Who the hell wants a moist chip? Have you ever heard anyone say – “Oh yeah man those chips were so moist! I was in heaven. I love it when my chips are moist”.

2.      Dry chips are more conducive to sauce – the jalapeno mayo offered with the chips copped some flack as well.

So the chips were marked down very heavily by one member which diminished the overall rating. But we welcome a diverse range of opinions to give you the most complete picture possible.

Overall, this burger is well and truly worth the short stroll to the venue. Given the criticism that Howling’s Bar has copped, it is hard not to draw similarities with Richmond Captain Trent Cotchin. Clearly he has a few things to work out in terms of his performance but some of his attributes are league leading and it is just a matter of time before he finds his groove and is a force to be reckoned with.

Score – 38.8

 

Kermond's Hamburgers

Burger reviewed: Burger with the lot with extra cheese

Venue: Kermond's Hamburgers (Warrnambool)

Date: 22/4/2014

Today's burger adventure saw the Fellows venture down to God's Country - South-Western Victoria - to sample the burger treats at Kermond's Hamburgers. A local institution, Kermond's has been operating since 1949 and specialises in an honest-to-goodness fish and chip shop style burger which has served as the savior of many an inebriated man. Kermond's is your typical country fast food establishment with its retro coke memorabilia and large selection of spiders and thick shakes to choose from (how good are spiders?!). But we were here to sample the burger so we promptly ordered the burger with the lot with extra cheese and got ready to nosh.

The burger came out in a flash and was piping hot - in a Burger Friday first, we actually had to let this burger cool a bit before tucking into it. But I am happy to cop the second degree burns to my mouth, lips and feet (I was wearing thongs and some of the juice squirted down onto my feet when I took the first bite - I was a tad unlucky to burn myself there I thought) to know that the burger was not sitting on a bench for 15 minutes getting cold and wilted prior to delivery.

Let's break the burger down into its parts. 

The patty was thinner than a lot of the burgers we have tried in the past but it was tender, juicy and cooked well. Kermond's employ a technique used by fish and chip shop owners for generations which is to fry some brown onion into the patty during the cooking process. The sweetness of the caramelised onion shards complemented the bitterness of the charred burger patty for an opening partnership which would rival Davey Warner and Bucky Rogers - despite being on opposite ends of the flavour spectrum, somehow it just works.  

The toppings were plentiful and all played their part. The bacon was crisp, the egg was creamy and cooked to a point where the yolk still maintained its glorious ooze, and the Aussie slice of beetroot provided a hint of acidity and tang which cut through the richness of the other ingredients. I have never understood what is so quintessentially Australian about putting beetroot on a burger. The only people that harp on about beetroot on a burger being Australian seems to be the McDonald's advertising team when they reintroduce the McOz burger every six months despite it still being on the menu the entire time. Anyways. 

To be honest I imagine that not all burger enthusiasts would enjoy this burger for what it is - which is the holy grail of late night pissed food - as there were a couple of minor drawbacks that are not everyone's cup of tea. The first being the structural integrity. As the patty and the toppings were so plentiful, the bun was not big enough to contain everything meaning that the paper bag that the burger was served in was required to do the heavy lifting from a structural integrity stand point. The second gripe is the aftertaste associated with the chips. I am not sure if it is the type of oil that the chips were fried in but they had an unusual after taste (which was not dissimilar to the flavour of the animal fat on a steak or chop that has not been properly rendered). A good squeeze of Heinz Big Red was required to mask this after taste. 

Overall, the Kermond's burger is a glorious mess of comfort food made from quality country ingredients and ripping value at $18.50 with chips (I am convinced that inflation is a principle that has only been applied to Metropolitan areas). As such, we are naming this burger after another South-Western Victorian icon in Jonathan Brown. A brut of a man that is made from all the right stuff (JB's old man Brian played league footy for Fitzroy) who all 17 other AFL clubs would love to have on their list. Not to mention Jonathan Brown's known love of a beer - a Kermond's and tinny would be a match made in heaven.


If you are in the area and are looking for a good burger, look no further than Kermond's. But if you are looking for more of a foodies getaway, head down the coast to Timboon for some of the finest produce in the district. 

Score - 40/50

Burger Bistro

Burger reviewed: The beef big smoke

Venue: Burger Bistro (Perth)

Date: 7/3/2014

The Burger Friday fellows begun their 2014 campaign by venturing to Shafto Lane in Perth's CBD to try out Burger Bistro - another one of Perth's pseudo burger chains. We promptly ordered the beef big smoke burger and hoped that the big smoke would be as flamboyant as the "big show" Glenn Maxwell, but without the annoying persona. The burger arrived in quicker than a Mitchell Johnson short ball and had the overall performance to match. But to explain the big smoke, we need to break it down into its parts. 

The patty was made from quality Western Australian ground beef and was cooked to a perfect medium. What was most pleasing was that the grill plate in the kitchen was clearly set at the appropriate temperature as the outside of the patty was charred to perfection which provided a nice bitter undertone to the burger. 

The bun was made of San Franciscan sourdough and was of high quality. Much like former San Francisco Giants Pitcher Brian Wilson, this bun had a somewhat hardened exterior but was softer on the inside. Structural integrity and burger management was a non-issue as this bun provided a structurally sound base while also adding the extra flare of that lightly sour flavour of a quality sourdough.  

The highlight of the toppings came from the perfectly crispy slice of pancetta. It provided a different texture and was a tad saltier than your traditional bacon rasher but not so much that it left you feeling thirsty. My only gripe was that there was only one slice of pancetta on the burger meaning that the gloriousness it provided was not in every bite. Some would liken the pancetta to that of Scott Gumbleton - you saw enough of it to know that it has talent but it just hasn't stayed on the park for long enough.

The big smoke used a perfectly melted slice of emmental cheese. The downfall of using emmental cheese (a variety of Swiss cheese) is that it is known as a fairly savoury cheese with very little sharpness. This meant that the subtle flavours of the cheese were overpowered by the stronger flavours of the other elements of the burger.   

The sauce of choice was a fairly run-of-the-mill BBQ sauce. Whilst this sauce did not detract from the burger, it lacked the typical smokiness of a BBQ sauce which really would have complimented the  other flavours. I recommend changing to some Masterfoods Smokey BBQ sauce - I love that stuff. I would genuinely spread it on my Weet Bix in the morning if it was socially acceptable.

The chips were crispy and plentiful for only a couple of bucks extra. However, a choice of condiments was lacking and we were forced to resort to using the chips to soak up the burger juices to add moisture. 

All in all, this was a solid burger made of the right stuff. As such, an appropriate comparison would be to former South African cricket captain Graeme Smith. A man who despite his technical deficiencies and lack of flare, will go down of one of the better cricketers in his countries history due to his consistency and fighting qualities. Much like Smith, there is elements of this burger that you would change (the sauce, Smith's slightly closed bat face whilst playing straight or his inability to open his mouth without sounding like a complete jouster), this burger is one you would want on your side before a hard days slog.

We recommend this burger if you are after a safe option. But we here at Burger Friday believe that burgers are like Pokemon - gotta eat 'em all! So maybe venture out for some obscurity.

Score - 39/50

The Shack

Burger reviewed: The Western King

Venue: The Shack (Perth)

Date: 26/07/2013

Today's burger adventure saw Burger Friday tackle the first of Perth's many pseudo burger chain restaurants. The venue of choice - The Shack (previously known as The Local Shack. And before that, The Burger Shack). What is particularly perplexing about the name changes of this venue is that The Shack does not give off the feeling of a shack at all. With its high ceilings, big doors and rustic paint work you could be forgiven for thinking you are chowing down in a cafe in inner-city Melbourne. But who cares about the venue? We are here for a burger.

The Shack boasts 18 different burgers ranging from the stock standard beef burger to a chicken burger called the "Thai Cockfight" (whenever I hear the word cockfight I can't help but think of Seinfeld episode where Kramer and Little Jerry Seinfeld take on Marcellino's "dog with glove on its head"). This presents an obvious selection dilemma in that we are spoilt for choice. However, as we have a selection policy of choosing a burger that our rating scale is not prejudicial towards, we ordered the Western King with cheese and bacon and got ready to nosh.    
  
The patty was well put together and had that fibrous texture indicative of a handmade patty. What became obvious from the start was the adventurous use of dried herbs and spices in the patty mixture which created a flavoursome first bite. My only gripe with the patty was that it was cooked to more of a well done than a medium which meant that some of juice from the meat had been cooked out of it. I would recommend that the chef at The Local Shack turn the temperature of the grill plate up slightly - this will allow a slight charring of the outside whilst keeping the inside juicy and medium rather than cooking the patty completely through (we should write a book on grilling burger patties - "A time to grill" or "To grill a mockingbird").

My main gripe with this burger is around the quality of the bun. It didn't seem fresh, was a bit on the crusty side and was quite heavy. And to make things even worse, this was one of the hardest burgers to eat from a structural integrity standpoint. This burger resisted all burger management techniques. Even the universally accepted "cut the burger in half" burger management technique (pictured above) - a technique so proven it has taken its rightful place along side the other game changing techniques such as the famed "bite and suck the filling" pie eating technique and the hair dressing methodology of putting the hair between two fingers and cutting above them. If it wasn't for Clause 7 of our sacred Constitution, I would have reached for the knife and fork.  

The salads were fresh and played their part. Salads on a burger is like Snicko in the Decision Review System - while it can add value, it is left out of the decision making process for good reason.

The sauce was the real winner. An eclectic mix of guacamole and seeded mustard which created a tangy and refreshing salsa that cleansed the palette with every bite. Full marks for the sauce. 

The chips were a quality side dish. Similar to the burger, they were sprinkled with dried herbs and spices and were accompanied by a quality sauce. Plentiful in supply (a large serving was enough for two people) and cooked to a level that saw them crunchy on the outside but remain fluffy on the inside.  

Overall, the herbs and spices used in the patty and chips teamed well with the extravagant sauce combination. However, the cooking of the patty and the poorness of the bun let the team down. This display of flare and extravagance only to be ultimately let down reminded me of Dean Wallis in the 1999 Preliminary Final against Carlton. A rugged defender without an attacking bone in his body, Wallis decided to take the game on in the final minute only to be caught by a Fraser Brown tackle, ultimately costing the Dons a chance of overrunning the Blues and a spot in the Granny.  

If you find yourself in the CBD and need a beef injection, check out The Local Shack and the vast array of burger treats it offers.

Score: 33/50

Shake Shack (New York)

Burger reviewed: The Double Shack

Venue: Shake Shack

Date: 17 August 2013

Continuing on the Burger Friday Fellows journey around America, our next stop on tour is the Shake Shack.

If you like burgers and have not heard of Shake Shack then you might as well have been living under a rock. Nine years ago, New York's, and arguably the world's, hamburger landscape changed forever when an unassuming shack began serving up humanely raised 100% Angus beef.

Started by Danny Meyer in Washington Square Park in NYC, this little roadside burger cart grew into a hospitality group and a cultural phenom, and the rest is history. Since then, Shake Shacks have been popping up worldwide developing a market, alongside companies like Five Guys, into what is now known as the Better Burger market (i.e., above your McDonalds or Burger Kings, but below your gourmet burgers). As the Fellows like to dabble in cult phenoms, as well as food which falls into the Better Burger market, Shake Shack was high on our list of food to try in NYC. This and the fact that almost all of the fellows burger loving friends were continually yabbering about it before we left.

So while in NYC, the Fellows headed to the original Washington Square Park site on what was a glorious summers day to try the most talked about burger in the world to see if the hype lived up to the bite.

Greeted by a line curling around the Parks walkway, the Shack almost blends into the surrounding greenery, with the only give away being the connecting fairy lights and the hundreds of people mingling around in excitement. After about a 30 minute wait to order and another ten whilst it cooked, our food arrived.

In true Burger Friday tradition we ordered the signature Shack burger and decided to do it with a double pattie because, as with beef and beer, two is always better than one. The Shack burger is a 100% Angus beef pattie served with American cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles and a special Shack Sauce, all squeezed between a marshmallow-like soft bun.

The incredible simplicity of the ingredients listed above, belie the complexity of the flavourings and sensations that exploded in my mouth on that very first bite. While almost everyone I know has talked up this burger as being almost orgasmic, i had found it hard to believe the hype until I could taste it to prove it. So after that first bite, I was a believer. This is a great burger.

The burger literally melted into your mouth with every morsel, dissolving into a beefy and savoury remnant. I would say that this is without doubt the softest burger I have ever eaten. Think of velvety cake like substance that just happens to taste like burger.

While small in size, it was extremely rich in flavour and by the end I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed by choosing the double.

Although it may seem sacrosanct to criticise the burger, and that this act may cause Shack devotees to seek me out for directed acts of revenge, I did have some things I did not like about the burger.

The hero and the villain for me was the Angus beef pattie. Cooked to a perfectly juicy medium from reportedly ground fresh daily beef, it was so buttery soft that it hard to determine where it stood on the liquified to hockey puck pattie cooking ratio. For mine if it had an offsetting somewhat less soft bun, it would have been perfect. Ala the M&M effect. Or, alternativel,y with the bun it had, I would have liked to have seen the pattie charred to give some contrast in texture. (What's soft on the outside and hard on the inside? - maybe avocado?)

The super soft bun, plus the soft pattie meant that there was too much of the sameness, and towards the end of the burger it got a bit blah.

The other thing which I thought it could have also used was slightly more tang. Whilst the Shake Sauce was zesty, I found myself adding American mustard which was freely available from the condiments stand.

The accompanying chocolate shake and crinkle cut fries were both solid and a good addition to the burger, in flavour and at making sure my daily calorie intake was met in a single serving.

In light of the hype, and the overwhelming softness of the burger, I am going to dub this the Wayne Gretsky. Like Shake Shack, Gretsky is universally known as one of the all time greats. While it might be hard to argue that he was truly soft, rumour has it that whilst teams usually have an enforcer who fights your battles on the ice, Gretzky supposedly took it a bit further by having a bodyguard roam the rink just in case things got too out of hand. Regardless it is still a hall of fame burger and I can testify the hype.

If in New York, or a Shake Shack is near you (they are expanding at a rapid rate), definitively go try it out to see what the fuss is about for yourself.

Burger Friday rating: 42/50

Prospect Espresso

Burger Reviewed: the Prospects Burger

Venue: Prospect Espresso - 2A Prospect Hill Rd, Camberwell

Date: 15 July 2013

On a stereotypical Melbourne day - torrential downpour followed by blue skies and sunshine - we ventured to Prospect Espresso in Camberwell. Espresso is the type of cafe that makes a name for itself through word of mouth; the type of place that you could be forgiven for overlooking on your way past the many shopfronts on Burke Rd, but fortunately for us this place has started to make a name for itself in burger enthusiast circles. Needless to say, we were not disappointed.

In a world where first impressions count more so than ever before, we were greeted promptly by an energetic and bubbly waitress who quickly found us a seat at the large wooden communal table. A growing trend in Melbourne hospitality, the table dominates the décor but is complemented by a mixture of smaller tables. Although space is at a premium, it is a well organized layout which fits nicely with the rustic furniture and fittings. It has somewhat of a refurbished inner-city warehouse apartment feel to it and although quiet loud, it still has a homely and welcoming vibe.

Although Prospect Espresso receives rave reviews for it's coffee, we ventured to this cafe to sample the house burger - house minced beef, bacon, cheese, pickles, lettuce, chips and aioli for the fair price of $18. It came out in good speed for what was a busy Friday afternoon but most impressive was the presentation. While some of us here at Burger Friday prefer the look of a greasy, juicy, American-style burger, I am one who prefers the postcard burger. This would be right at the top of that list (unfortunately my camera work on the iPhone 5 doesn't do this justice). Credit must be given for the use of props; the inclusion of the traditional (albeit miniature) frying basket to hold the chips is a great look.

The burger was smaller than what we're used to, but what it lacked in size it made up for in flavour. The burger was cooked to perfection, it was charred on the outside trapping in the moisture and juices from the gelatinous pattie. The ground and hand pressed pattie was lightly season and while some might have preferred a bigger statement from the pattie (in terms of herbs and spices), the precise cooking makes this pattie a winner. Many outstanding patties have been ruined by the chef (or should i say cook), but this was mastery of a fry pan at its finest.

It didn't stop there though. The bacon was equally impressive as it was crispy and charred, with enough rind left on to provide a salty crunch. While no one wants a pork belly rasher of bacon (i.e., 90% fat), the burger does benefit from having some of the natural fat stay on the bacon. This was evident here as the saltiness of the bacon balanced tang from the aioli. This rivals the Trunk Diner for best use of bacon on a burger - a real pleasure.

When you have two genuine stars like the pattie and the bacon, you can be forgiven for overlooking the other accompaniments. There was nothing to fault with these, the lettuce was crisp and the pickles provided a nice savoury touch. They were able contributors to a two starred attack, not too dissimilar to Jack Gunston or Pau Puopolo to the Hawthorn attack.

I have already touched on the presentation of the chips, but it is one thing to look impressive, it is another thing altogether to meet (and exceed) those expectations. These chips were top-notch. Golden brown, crunchy, seasoned yet fluffy and light in the middle. They were perfectly suited to the aioli which was fresh and light.

My only real gripe with this burger was the absence of a boutique beer, or any beer for that matter, to wash it down with. Hardly relevant in our culinary quest to find Melbourne's best burger, particularly given the number of licensed venues in close proximity, but there is something extra special about a soothing ale to accompany a delicious meal.

I had some difficulty, and agonised long and hard, as to who I would liken this burger to. Ultimately, I settled on Daniel Geale. The little known Australian boxer (which is changing quickly) is a no-nonsense, honest and rugged fighter. Where the likes of Mundine have polarised the Australian boxing public, Geale is a contemporary gentleman in a sport that is characterised by ego, salesmanship and bravado. Although he recently lost his IBF world title, he retained his humility and will be back fighting in those ranks before too long. Like Geale, the Espresso burger is understated and unpretentious and also has the potential to be a household name on the burger circuit. A relative unknown; it won't last for long.

Do yourself a favour and go sample this burger now. You will not be disappointed.

Burger Friday Rating: 41/50

Five Guys Burgers and Fries (New York)

Burger reviewed: The Bacon Cheeseburger All The Way

Venue: Five Guys Burgers and Fries

Date: 13 August 2013

Currently in New York City, the Burger Friday fellows decided to make a quick stop at the chain restaurant Five Guys Burgers and Fries (Five Guys), on route to catch a ball game at the house that Ruth built.

Having originally opened in 1986 in Washington DC by the entrepreneurial Murrell brothers, the business exploded like an Alfonso Soriano home run when it decided to franchise in 2003. With over 1000 stores in North America and a further 1500 in the pipeline, it is the fastest growing fast food chain getting around.

Perhaps the most important indicator of its influence is that it holds the enviable mantel of being one of the most talked about burgers on the internet. With a focus on quality food and good service, it has gained a cult like status with celebrity endorsements even ringing all the way up to Barack Obama, which is exactly why it was on our list of venues to try.

An example of its commitment to quality is its shunning of twentieth century technology by refusing to have freezers in its stores. The end result is that all meat, potatoes and other produce are fresh. This attitude somewhat reminds me of the Olympic runner Abebe Bikila who just said screw you to footwear and won a gold medal in the marathon barefoot. While I am definitively not averse to technology, it is nice to know that the food is fresh.

The burger reviewed today was the bacon cheeseburger served all the way, which I was reliably informed by the guy behind the counter was in his opinion "the only way". At Five Guys, they give you the option to add whatever toppings you want – for free. With as many as 15 free toppings there is literally 262,143 combinations of burgers available, if you ‘do the math’.

When you go all the way, you get almost all of them. The all the way bacon cheeseburger consisted of a soft sesame seed bun topped with a double beef pattie, crispy bacon, cheese, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, ketchup, mayo, and mustard.

And lets just say all the way was almost better than the first time you got past first base. The pattie, which was clearly handmade, was cooked to a very good medium well, with a nice bit of char on the outside, giving it bite and flavour. The bacon was crunchy and complemented well by the sauce combination of ketchup, mayo and mustard. Every bite of the burger was mouth-wateringly good, with seemingly different flavours and textures between the current bite and the one previous.

Ably accompanied by handcut chips with the skin on and endless soda refills, it is easy to see why Five Guys is cult worthy. While your waist line might not thank you, your wallet definitely will. Total cost for the meal came in at under $14USD for what is a very good quality burger.

While a distinction exists for burger purveyors between gourmet burgers (served on a plate, and generally neater in appearance) and fast good burgers (served wrapped and delivered in a bag), of which the Five Guys clearly falls into the latter category, the flavours and quality of their offerings can be held up against any of the gourmet burgers we have tried.

In light of its punch above its weight stakes and not necessarily good looks, this is the Phil Mickelson of Burgers. Mickelson is an unabashed fan of Five Guys who once in a press conference, unprompted, told a roomful of reporters that Five Guys served “hands down the best burger he has ever had.” It was revealed a week later that Mickelson was an investor in Five Guys franchises. Regardless, who doesn't mind a little bit of self promotion when the burgers can back it up?

This is one burger chain I would love to see come to Australia. If in North America skip the Clown (McDonald's) and the Crown (Burger King) and definitively get to Five Guys!

Burger Friday rating: 42.5/50

The Angry Moose

Burger reviewed: The BELT The Moose

Venue: The Angry Moose

Date: 04/08/2013

Is there a better way to spend a Sunday than by taking a leisurely stroll down street to smash a burger? Maybe a "Silly Sunday" session with your footy mates after your season has just come to a end? Although the Burger Friday crew were a part of the former, we still got to sit there and witness the antics of the footy team (let's call them the Bankstown Foaklies) who were drowning their sorrows along side us. Most enjoyably, in true Silly Sunday fashion - one bloke brought his missus.

In light of the rather rowdy crowd making up the patronage of The Angry Moose, a venue known for manly style burger combinations, we calmly sat a safe distance away from the Foaklies and ordered the "BELT The Moose" burger. Settle down Nick Maxwell, this isn't cruelty to animals. It is simply the code name for the regular burger with bacon, egg, lettuce and tomato. Despite the backlog of orders, our burgers came out in reasonable time and the mere sight of burger had me salivating.

The patty was a real winner and provided the centerpiece for the rest of the elements of the burger to work around. It was of the ideal size and thickness, was cooked to perfection and had the crumbly and fibrous texture indicative of a handmade beef patty. Not to mention a nice sprinkling of dried herbage which was worked into the patty mixture. Some burger makers endeavour to impart the majority of flavour through a flamboyant patty mixture whereas others focus more on sauce combinations. We don't have a preference as long as the end result is quality (much the same as our opinion on Josh Kennedy's kicking action).      

The bun was one of the better ones we have tried in the great state of Western Australia. A lightly toasted Turkish style bun which was solid enough to hold the burger together but light enough to soak up all of the juices. It was the type of breadage you would happily dunk in a container of hommus for a light Sunday snack.

The burger was complemented by a simple yet very effective sauce combination of Heinz Big Red and mayo. The two seemingly plain ingredients combined into what can only be described as "fancy sauce". And like Dale in Step Brothers, "I like it".

The remaining ingredients for which this burger gets its name added to the already solid set of flavours while not overpowering the stars of the show. The runny yolk of the egg added a creaminess which was complemented by the saltiness of the bacon and the sweetness of the grilled onions. In my opinion, the lettuce and tomato are out of place on a manly burger - which would leave bacon and egg as the additional ingredients in what would be called the "BE The Moose" burger. Just food for thought.

Some additional food for thought - Tiger Woods' ex-wife, Elin Nordegren, currently sits fifth on the PGA tour money list for the 2013 season behind Brandt Snedeker - this automatically qualifies her for all four major championships in 2014. I thought this was worth a mention.

The chips were the highlight. An extremely generous serving of well sized chips accompanied by some garlic Aioli. The most enjoyable facet of these chips was the superb crunchiness you got from the outer chip while maintaining the appropriate level of fluffiness inside. The outside of each chip was slightly blistered and when consumed, these blistered spots seemed to burst with crunch and flavour. Anyone in our readership know how this is accomplished? Perhaps someone whose parents owned a fish and chip shop?
  
Overall, this burger hit all of the right notes. The flavours were all there - the bitterness from the patty, saltiness from the bacon and sweetness from the grilled onions were complemented by a texturally complete burger.

One warning I will give in relation to this burger is the dreaded "food baby" you have to deal with afterwards. Both times I have had the Angry Moose burger for lunch, I have felt so full for the rest of the day that I have not eaten dinner. Therefore, I imagine that this burger would not be one you would prefer to consume before or during a big afternoon on the sherberts. This phenomenon left me feeling sorry for the Foaklies.

I enjoyed everything about this burger but left a bit full. So the sportsperson this burger will draw comparisons to is the much maligned English offspinner Monty Panesar. A man known for his passion for the game and extravagant wicket celebrations, Monty recently landed himself in hot water for relieving himself on a nightclub bouncer when he too found himself a little full. A revenge a number of people would like to inflict on a power tripping bouncer I would imagine.  

Honourable mentions for people who have landed in hot water for relieving themselves in public - Brendan Fevola, Mark Williams (during a VFL game), Nate Robinson and R Kelly.

If you find yourself on Beaufort Street, don't think twice about stepping in for a quality burger.

Score: 38/50

BurgerMeister

Burger reviewed: The Meisterburger

Venue: BurgerMeister, San Francisco, CA

Date: 2 August 2013

One of the first stops on this American burger tour of joy is the city of San Francisco, famous for its hills, food and home of the 49ers and San Francisco Giants.

The venue of choice for our first burger review in San Francisco is BurgerMeister in North Beach.

 As a fan of both food and sports, it certainly feels like at the moment, being organic in this way would put BurgerMeister in rare company. Whilst the Windy Pills saga has raged on in Melbourne, doping scandals in US sports are part and parcel of every sport it seems. So it is fantastic to see a restaurant who wants to buck this trend and give people real food.

Set out in a classic American style diner, serving up as they put it, "real American classic comfort food". BurgerMeister has an astonishing 18 burgers on the menu, and, if that’s not enough, you even have the additional option to make your own. This means the combinations are virtually endless and definitely not for the indecisive.

While Australia has undergone a burger revolution of sorts in recent years, the Burger Friday fellows are continuing our mission to sample burgers far and wide. This means going beyond the land girt by sea, to visit the home of the burger - The United States of America.

Currently spanning six stores, this Bay Area burger chain specialises in burgers made with meat sourced from Niman Ranch; meaning that they are guaranteed to be all natural and free of hormones, steroids or antibiotics.

The burger reviewed by the Fellows was the signature MeisterBurger, awarded as the best Burger in San Francisco an astonishing 6 times in a row. An admirable dynasty, but still quite a way from arguably Australia’s greatest ever female athlete, Heather McKay, who went unbeaten in competitive squash matches from 1962 to 1981 and only lost two matches for her career. Only 15 more burger titles to go…

The MeisterBurger is a 1/5lb Niman Ranch beef pattie cooked to choice, topped with crispy Niman Ranch Applewood smoked bacon, sautéed mushrooms, sautéed onions, fresh avocado and cheese on a traditional sesame hamburger bun. Served with crispy cooked fries and your choice of ketchup, mustard or Dijon mustard condiments at your table, this burger is an absolute winner.

While perhaps the sloppiest burger I have ever tried to eat, meaning structural integrity was an issue for even the top burger management experts, this critic was over shadowed by the exceptional flavours.

The toppings on this burger were first class. The crispy bacon was cooked perfectly and provided beautiful crunch to offset the softness of the burger bun and the sautéed mushrooms and onions. I was a little hestitant about the addition of fresh avocado (which was literally a whole avocado) on the burger, but was pleasantly surprised with how well it worked with the juiciness of the mushrooms and onions and the mustard sauce.

The star of the show was the beef pattie, which was cooked perfectly to a medium and was undoubtedly one of the best tasting patties I have experienced on my burger Friday journeys. Large in size, organic, perfectly seasoned, it just ticked all the right boxes and was simply excellent.

Given the sheer number of ingredients going on in this burger full marks must be given for the synergies that they have managed to create. A fantastic combination of sweet, savoury, crispy, soft, and tangy make this burger an absolute ripper.

In honour of the local San Francisco NFL team the 49ers, I am going to dub this burger after its quarterback Colin Kaepernick. After being drafted in 2011, Kaepernick lead the 49ers in 2012, breaking various individual post season records, all the way to the Super Bowl, only to be defeated narrowly by the Baltimore Ravens. Just strolling the streets of San Francisco and seeing the sheer number of people wearing clothing with his name can tell you he is the people's champ. And I am going to bet by the time his career is over, he will have an awards listing similar to that of BurgerMeister.

If in San Francisco I highly recommend you get around this burger now.

Burger Friday score: 42.5/50

Alfred's Kitchen

Burger reviewed: The Hamburger with Bacon, Egg and Cheese 

Venue: Alfred's Kitchen (Perth) 

Date:  19/07/2013 

Today's burger adventure marks a significant milestone for the Burger Friday fraternity with this Burview being our 50th. Hazzah! 

When the Fellow's first came together in February 2011, we believed we had what it takes to complete multiple burger reviews. Not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7. Like the Miami Heat and the recently crowned King James, we at Burger Friday find it necessary to surround ourselves with talented people in order to put ourselves in the best position to succeed. As such, the lure of the 50th Burview saw Burger Friday introduce a number of high priced recruits - including All-Australian Ruckmen Nic Naitanui, a trio of Australian Diamonds netballers and Collingwood Premiership player Nathan Brown's brother Mitchell. Honestly, I haven't seen a team recruit this well since the Adelaide Crows gave up Chris Groom for Andrew McLeod in 1994. 

50 is a number whose significance is reflected in many sports. From a bullseye on a dart board to the quick raise of the bat and tweak of the box associated with a half ton in cricket. But most enjoyably, the number 50 is reserved a special place in the annals of basketball history. It was the number worn by Hall of Famer, "The Admiral" David Robinson. And it is the number retired by the University of North Carolina Tarheels for "Psycho T" Tyler Hansborough - a man whose idiotic persona on the basketball court has paved the way for other A-grade jousters such as Lance Stephenson, whose disappearing act in this years Eastern Conference Finals was made all the more enjoyable by the fact that he sledged LeBron for being a choker last year. Oh how I love watching people's comments come back to bite them on the arse! But it could be worse, Lance could have acted like former UFC Middleweight Champion Andersen Silva in his recent world title fight - where Andersen copped a glancing hook from Chris Weidman, acted like he was knocked out, only to be knocked out cold one second later. 

But enough clowning around, let's get to the aforementioned milestone review. 

Alfred's Kitchen is a quaint truck stop style burger kiosk located just across the road from Perth's Bassendean Oval, the home of the Swan Districts Football Club and WAFL sensation Murray Newman. Alfred's kitchen has specialised in serving fish 'n' chip style burger treats since 1946. One of the more enjoyable facets of Alfred's service was the open fire roaring out the front, which signals that Alfred's is open for business. With my inner pyro chomping at the bid, I had a look at the menu (or the "Graham Manou" as I like to call it) and Alfred's boasts over 40 burgers ranging from the coronary option double hamburger with egg, bacon and cheese to the lighter option of the lentil. We promptly ordered the single hamburger with bacon egg and cheese and got ready to chow down. 
  

The patty was, as it should always be, the star of the show. The subtle bitterness from the slightly charred outside of the patty mingled seductively with the coagulated meat fibres in a way that only a perfectly cooked handmade meat patty can. The juice and flavours covered and excited all parts of the palette like they were Igors Vihrovs dutch winking and flat bagging his way to the gold medal in the floor exercise at the Sydney Olympics (just wanted to send a shout out to our Latvian readership (almost 150 views from the great country). Anyone remember this bloke from Roy and H.G.'s "The Dream"?). I cannot say enough for how well this patty hit the spot. 

The bun was exquisite. Like a sesame freckled breast of an angel lightly toasted to perfection. There is so much to be said for the simple act of lightly toasting a burger bun. Actually, from this day forward I am going to declare a war on untoasted burger buns - these should be outlawed from burger production the way centre circle bounced pads were outlawed from the AFL in 1999 when they caused Shaun Rehn's leg to snap in half. 

The salads played their part - crisp and refreshing. Salads on a burger are like the guys making up the bench on an NBA team - slapping a towel on the ground is as flamboyant as they should get (Patty Mills - if there was a ring for towel waving, you'd be the finals MVP), but their main job is to hold back the other bench sitters when the stars of the show heat up, so that nobody gets a technical foul. 
The condiment of choice for Alfred's was a simple dollop of Heinz Big Red. Whilst some may gripe at the lack of a gourmet sauce, I applaud it. This is after all a burger aiming to do all of the simple things right, to become a whole that is more than the sum of it's parts. What you get when you have a "simple" burger try to be something else with an extravagant sauce combo is an unmitigated disaster - a Tony Romo if you will. Romo is one of the more talented QB's in the NFL but tries to do some extremely extravagant things on a football field (19 picks in the 2012 season alone). Stick to doing the fundamentals well instead champ.  
 
The chips were a perfect accompaniment to the burger and stayed true to the brief. They were crunchy, light on the inside and adequately dressed due to the selection of condiments. One of which was chicken salt. Nuff said. 

The overall rating of this burger suggests that there are some aspects for improvement, but if you start adding extravagant ingredients you take away the burger's identity. We here at Burger Friday encourage burger diversity and can find enjoyment out of all styles of burger. So I would not change a thing here. 

The sports person who I will compare this burger to is fast bowling icon turned breast cancer ambassador Glenn McGrath. As a result, I am dubbing the Alfred's Kitchen burger - "The line and length" burger. This burger hit all the right notes with its simplistic design and ingredients. It is a burger that would be successful all year round and in all kinds of conditions. As for Glenn McGrath's association with the number 50 - he scored arguably the most loved half century in all of cricket against our rivals from across the ditch. I cannot help but laugh at the look on Pidgeon's face after he slog sweeps Vettori for six. Enjoy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xo89Fh25a9w 

What is next for Burger Friday you ask? Well our fellow 50, Curtis Jackson, got shot nine times and "he ain't going no where". So buckle in an enjoy the ride to 100. 

Score: 41/50