Uncle Joe's (Perth)

Today’s burger adventure saw a rag tag crew of burger lovers venture down to Uncle Joe’s Mess Hall in Perth’s CBD. Uncle Joe’s also doubles as a barber and is responsible for some of the freshest (and most expensive) salads that Perth has ever seen (the irony of this is explained below). The burger of choice was Uncle Joe’s Angus Beef Burger.

(not our photo - hence, the chips)

The patty was a bit like Steph Curry in the NBA Finals – it had all the talent to put the series away but came up short when it needed to be the MVP. How about you take a unanimous seat over there Steph and have a good hard unanimous look at yourself. But I digress. The burger struck me as something which was not hand made in that it had that hockey puck shape which is typically indicative of a burger straight from the packet. But the flavour was reasonable (a bit of extra herbage may have helped) and was cooked perfectly.


The bun was the highlight of the show for mine. When it came out I instantly thought I was in for an uber sweet brioche but it was actually a pretzel style bread and had the perfect amount of crust on the outside whilst maintaining the fluffy inside. The size of the bun in proportion to the patty was spot on such that burger management was never an issue. Although it does say a little something about the burger that the side kick, being the bun, was the star of the show – call it Draymond.


The salads on the burger were virtually none existent apart from a few sprigs of rocket – call them Harrison Barnes. Whilst the salads are not the main guy on the team, you notice their lack of presence if they go missing (2 for 20 from the field in games 5 and 6 – good luck in free agency young fella). I must admit that I was slightly disappointing that the most prevalent salads at Uncle Joe’s were situated on the scalps of the customers of Uncle Joe’s Barbers. Also of note, Uncle Joe’s employed the recently favoured technique of deconstructing the burger by serving a dollop of mayo, a pickle and a teaspoon of salsa on the side. This doesn’t do much for me. Just plonk this stuff on the burger and get on with it.


The sauce combination was actually very effective – with the aforementioned mayo and a delightful seeded mustard. The use of seeded mustard is quite seldom but given it goes smashingly well with a steak then it makes sense that it would go well with a burger. The benefit of the seeded mustard is the vinegar content and its ability to cut through and neutralise the char on the burger which can be overpowering if not done well – call the sauce combo Iggy.   


There is not much I can write about the chips because there weren’t any. Just a small section of grilled corn which played a role but not what was needed in the circumstances – call the lack of chips the “King Flopper” Anderson Varejao.


Overall, the burger worked quite well as a whole but was missing a piece or two to get the job done. The burger has been talked up big time and to add to this, every hipster and his dog is now on the Uncle Joe’s fresh-cut salad bandwagon (just like everyone is on the Steph Curry bandwagon – although a few people have unanimously left that train of recent times).


In light of the above, I am coining this burger the 2016 Golden State Warriors burger. Ironically, the architect of the Golden State Warriors is a guy by the name of Joe Lacob. Perhaps he owns Uncle Joe’s. Illuminati shit right there.

Score - 36

The Reveley (Perth)

Much like Sam Smith’s feeble attempt at a “Bond song” the writing was well and truly on the wall well before we ventured down to The Reveley located at Perth’s new Elizabeth Quay.


To start with, it was the first day of 2016 where it actually rained in Perth. Given this typically occurs only 10 times a year over in the West, it was an early sign that it was going to be a tough day out there for this young player. (For those Melbournians reading this review, the writer appreciates that just surviving New Years Day without rain is cause for celebration over East, nonetheless we weren’t happy with the rain in our parade even if it was the end of April).


The Reveley opened to much fanfare down at Betty’s Jetty and being the second CBD establishment of the owners of Stables Bar, this burger enthusiast had high hopes. The three storey venue is a great addition to the Perth foreshore and when the deserted Quay finally has a tenant or two it is sure to attract regular crowds on a Friday night for a cheeky frothy.

The burger served was a Wagyu Beef burger with bacon and a side of chips for the not so poultry sum of $26.


Unlike the writer of our previous review, this writer is not going to indulge in a selfish ego boosting monologue about whether or not bacon belongs on a burger. This writer acknowledges that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and those who are of the opinion that a burger requires bacon are simply wrong.


With that out of the way our attention is turned to the burger itself, initially the rating received was slightly higher than that which was landed on as some members of the voting panel made revisions to their scoring when the burger had failed to properly digest a number of hours later.


Starting with the biggest gripe of the reviewers – the patty. Advertising a Wagyu Beef patty is a sure fire way to get this lad salivating at the prospect of a big, juicy and fresh meat patty. The false advertising here was much like Coles’ attempt at “Fresh Baked Bread”. It may have contained some form of Wagyu beef but sourcing the patty from the Coles frozen food section and then serving it up at a fine establishment like this saw the ratings heading “down down” right from the start.


The bun was of sound size and freshness, and while the Bun should never steal the limelight in “The Burger Show” when the Melbourne Stars take the field, it certainly would help if there was a little bit of Cameron White excitement (e.g. some charcoal toasting) to add some flavour to the match. (A shout out to the hipster of hipster’s – The Big Show, who was kind enough to make time in his schedule to join us for this review).


The salads were a bit of a non-event – staying with the cricket theme here they were a bit like Luke Ronchi, promising so much on paper with the suggestion of some dill pickle and caramelised onions but falling for a duck with a forward defence that leaves a mighty big gap between bun and patty. Some advice is offered at this point: wash and dry the lettuce (especially if its iceberg). I guess the expensive fitout left the owners short of enough cash to invest in a salad spinner. Or maybe it was all invested in maintaining a fresh salad atop James Faulkner’s mug.


The caramelised onion was however a great addition, and the pickles good (although lacking in quantity). Those reviewers who appreciate bacon in the burger did comment that the maple smoked bacon was a good addition and could be great if given a little more love.


Finally, it was the lack of sauces which resulted in an expensive last 5 overs for The Reveley. It was always going to be an uphill battle when you’re taken out of the attack after starting the over with 3 full bungas from Dirk Nannes and forget the Mustard. But to replace it with Michael Beer who without any discernible turn (or in this case mayo or tomato sauce) meant it was going to be a very boring finish to the match.


The saving grace for this burger was the chips. Coming in at the end of a long batting line-up to save the day like David Hussey, the fries were crispy and well coated in salt with solid aioli and tomato dipping sauces. They simply did the job in terms of quantity and got enough runs on the board to put forward a competitive total.


Overall, this burger was a big let-down for a venue that promises so much. I should note that before signing off there were some members at the table who were very satisfied with their crumbed whiting fish and chips – a dish that this reviewer is known to get just a tad excited about from time to time.


Given the good looks, significant hype and advertising one cannot help but be reminded of Jack Watts when reflecting on this burger. Like the Melbourne coaching staff we are torn by the promise of the talent displayed by the owners at Stables Bar in the reserves (e.g. the 2008 Under 18s) but since making it onto the big stage the pressure seems to have become too much to handle. Let’s hope that The Reveley doesn’t take 8 years to find its way like our mate Jack who has only now decided in 2016 to get those fingernails dirty and win his own ball every now and again.




Score - 29.4

Kermond's Hamburgers

Burger reviewed: Burger with the lot with extra cheese

Venue: Kermond's Hamburgers (Warrnambool)

Date: 22/4/2014

Today's burger adventure saw the Fellows venture down to God's Country - South-Western Victoria - to sample the burger treats at Kermond's Hamburgers. A local institution, Kermond's has been operating since 1949 and specialises in an honest-to-goodness fish and chip shop style burger which has served as the savior of many an inebriated man. Kermond's is your typical country fast food establishment with its retro coke memorabilia and large selection of spiders and thick shakes to choose from (how good are spiders?!). But we were here to sample the burger so we promptly ordered the burger with the lot with extra cheese and got ready to nosh.

The burger came out in a flash and was piping hot - in a Burger Friday first, we actually had to let this burger cool a bit before tucking into it. But I am happy to cop the second degree burns to my mouth, lips and feet (I was wearing thongs and some of the juice squirted down onto my feet when I took the first bite - I was a tad unlucky to burn myself there I thought) to know that the burger was not sitting on a bench for 15 minutes getting cold and wilted prior to delivery.

Let's break the burger down into its parts. 

The patty was thinner than a lot of the burgers we have tried in the past but it was tender, juicy and cooked well. Kermond's employ a technique used by fish and chip shop owners for generations which is to fry some brown onion into the patty during the cooking process. The sweetness of the caramelised onion shards complemented the bitterness of the charred burger patty for an opening partnership which would rival Davey Warner and Bucky Rogers - despite being on opposite ends of the flavour spectrum, somehow it just works.  

The toppings were plentiful and all played their part. The bacon was crisp, the egg was creamy and cooked to a point where the yolk still maintained its glorious ooze, and the Aussie slice of beetroot provided a hint of acidity and tang which cut through the richness of the other ingredients. I have never understood what is so quintessentially Australian about putting beetroot on a burger. The only people that harp on about beetroot on a burger being Australian seems to be the McDonald's advertising team when they reintroduce the McOz burger every six months despite it still being on the menu the entire time. Anyways. 

To be honest I imagine that not all burger enthusiasts would enjoy this burger for what it is - which is the holy grail of late night pissed food - as there were a couple of minor drawbacks that are not everyone's cup of tea. The first being the structural integrity. As the patty and the toppings were so plentiful, the bun was not big enough to contain everything meaning that the paper bag that the burger was served in was required to do the heavy lifting from a structural integrity stand point. The second gripe is the aftertaste associated with the chips. I am not sure if it is the type of oil that the chips were fried in but they had an unusual after taste (which was not dissimilar to the flavour of the animal fat on a steak or chop that has not been properly rendered). A good squeeze of Heinz Big Red was required to mask this after taste. 

Overall, the Kermond's burger is a glorious mess of comfort food made from quality country ingredients and ripping value at $18.50 with chips (I am convinced that inflation is a principle that has only been applied to Metropolitan areas). As such, we are naming this burger after another South-Western Victorian icon in Jonathan Brown. A brut of a man that is made from all the right stuff (JB's old man Brian played league footy for Fitzroy) who all 17 other AFL clubs would love to have on their list. Not to mention Jonathan Brown's known love of a beer - a Kermond's and tinny would be a match made in heaven.


If you are in the area and are looking for a good burger, look no further than Kermond's. But if you are looking for more of a foodies getaway, head down the coast to Timboon for some of the finest produce in the district. 

Score - 40/50

The Shack

Burger reviewed: The Western King

Venue: The Shack (Perth)

Date: 26/07/2013

Today's burger adventure saw Burger Friday tackle the first of Perth's many pseudo burger chain restaurants. The venue of choice - The Shack (previously known as The Local Shack. And before that, The Burger Shack). What is particularly perplexing about the name changes of this venue is that The Shack does not give off the feeling of a shack at all. With its high ceilings, big doors and rustic paint work you could be forgiven for thinking you are chowing down in a cafe in inner-city Melbourne. But who cares about the venue? We are here for a burger.

The Shack boasts 18 different burgers ranging from the stock standard beef burger to a chicken burger called the "Thai Cockfight" (whenever I hear the word cockfight I can't help but think of Seinfeld episode where Kramer and Little Jerry Seinfeld take on Marcellino's "dog with glove on its head"). This presents an obvious selection dilemma in that we are spoilt for choice. However, as we have a selection policy of choosing a burger that our rating scale is not prejudicial towards, we ordered the Western King with cheese and bacon and got ready to nosh.    
  
The patty was well put together and had that fibrous texture indicative of a handmade patty. What became obvious from the start was the adventurous use of dried herbs and spices in the patty mixture which created a flavoursome first bite. My only gripe with the patty was that it was cooked to more of a well done than a medium which meant that some of juice from the meat had been cooked out of it. I would recommend that the chef at The Local Shack turn the temperature of the grill plate up slightly - this will allow a slight charring of the outside whilst keeping the inside juicy and medium rather than cooking the patty completely through (we should write a book on grilling burger patties - "A time to grill" or "To grill a mockingbird").

My main gripe with this burger is around the quality of the bun. It didn't seem fresh, was a bit on the crusty side and was quite heavy. And to make things even worse, this was one of the hardest burgers to eat from a structural integrity standpoint. This burger resisted all burger management techniques. Even the universally accepted "cut the burger in half" burger management technique (pictured above) - a technique so proven it has taken its rightful place along side the other game changing techniques such as the famed "bite and suck the filling" pie eating technique and the hair dressing methodology of putting the hair between two fingers and cutting above them. If it wasn't for Clause 7 of our sacred Constitution, I would have reached for the knife and fork.  

The salads were fresh and played their part. Salads on a burger is like Snicko in the Decision Review System - while it can add value, it is left out of the decision making process for good reason.

The sauce was the real winner. An eclectic mix of guacamole and seeded mustard which created a tangy and refreshing salsa that cleansed the palette with every bite. Full marks for the sauce. 

The chips were a quality side dish. Similar to the burger, they were sprinkled with dried herbs and spices and were accompanied by a quality sauce. Plentiful in supply (a large serving was enough for two people) and cooked to a level that saw them crunchy on the outside but remain fluffy on the inside.  

Overall, the herbs and spices used in the patty and chips teamed well with the extravagant sauce combination. However, the cooking of the patty and the poorness of the bun let the team down. This display of flare and extravagance only to be ultimately let down reminded me of Dean Wallis in the 1999 Preliminary Final against Carlton. A rugged defender without an attacking bone in his body, Wallis decided to take the game on in the final minute only to be caught by a Fraser Brown tackle, ultimately costing the Dons a chance of overrunning the Blues and a spot in the Granny.  

If you find yourself in the CBD and need a beef injection, check out The Local Shack and the vast array of burger treats it offers.

Score: 33/50

The Angry Moose

Burger reviewed: The BELT The Moose

Venue: The Angry Moose

Date: 04/08/2013

Is there a better way to spend a Sunday than by taking a leisurely stroll down street to smash a burger? Maybe a "Silly Sunday" session with your footy mates after your season has just come to a end? Although the Burger Friday crew were a part of the former, we still got to sit there and witness the antics of the footy team (let's call them the Bankstown Foaklies) who were drowning their sorrows along side us. Most enjoyably, in true Silly Sunday fashion - one bloke brought his missus.

In light of the rather rowdy crowd making up the patronage of The Angry Moose, a venue known for manly style burger combinations, we calmly sat a safe distance away from the Foaklies and ordered the "BELT The Moose" burger. Settle down Nick Maxwell, this isn't cruelty to animals. It is simply the code name for the regular burger with bacon, egg, lettuce and tomato. Despite the backlog of orders, our burgers came out in reasonable time and the mere sight of burger had me salivating.

The patty was a real winner and provided the centerpiece for the rest of the elements of the burger to work around. It was of the ideal size and thickness, was cooked to perfection and had the crumbly and fibrous texture indicative of a handmade beef patty. Not to mention a nice sprinkling of dried herbage which was worked into the patty mixture. Some burger makers endeavour to impart the majority of flavour through a flamboyant patty mixture whereas others focus more on sauce combinations. We don't have a preference as long as the end result is quality (much the same as our opinion on Josh Kennedy's kicking action).      

The bun was one of the better ones we have tried in the great state of Western Australia. A lightly toasted Turkish style bun which was solid enough to hold the burger together but light enough to soak up all of the juices. It was the type of breadage you would happily dunk in a container of hommus for a light Sunday snack.

The burger was complemented by a simple yet very effective sauce combination of Heinz Big Red and mayo. The two seemingly plain ingredients combined into what can only be described as "fancy sauce". And like Dale in Step Brothers, "I like it".

The remaining ingredients for which this burger gets its name added to the already solid set of flavours while not overpowering the stars of the show. The runny yolk of the egg added a creaminess which was complemented by the saltiness of the bacon and the sweetness of the grilled onions. In my opinion, the lettuce and tomato are out of place on a manly burger - which would leave bacon and egg as the additional ingredients in what would be called the "BE The Moose" burger. Just food for thought.

Some additional food for thought - Tiger Woods' ex-wife, Elin Nordegren, currently sits fifth on the PGA tour money list for the 2013 season behind Brandt Snedeker - this automatically qualifies her for all four major championships in 2014. I thought this was worth a mention.

The chips were the highlight. An extremely generous serving of well sized chips accompanied by some garlic Aioli. The most enjoyable facet of these chips was the superb crunchiness you got from the outer chip while maintaining the appropriate level of fluffiness inside. The outside of each chip was slightly blistered and when consumed, these blistered spots seemed to burst with crunch and flavour. Anyone in our readership know how this is accomplished? Perhaps someone whose parents owned a fish and chip shop?
  
Overall, this burger hit all of the right notes. The flavours were all there - the bitterness from the patty, saltiness from the bacon and sweetness from the grilled onions were complemented by a texturally complete burger.

One warning I will give in relation to this burger is the dreaded "food baby" you have to deal with afterwards. Both times I have had the Angry Moose burger for lunch, I have felt so full for the rest of the day that I have not eaten dinner. Therefore, I imagine that this burger would not be one you would prefer to consume before or during a big afternoon on the sherberts. This phenomenon left me feeling sorry for the Foaklies.

I enjoyed everything about this burger but left a bit full. So the sportsperson this burger will draw comparisons to is the much maligned English offspinner Monty Panesar. A man known for his passion for the game and extravagant wicket celebrations, Monty recently landed himself in hot water for relieving himself on a nightclub bouncer when he too found himself a little full. A revenge a number of people would like to inflict on a power tripping bouncer I would imagine.  

Honourable mentions for people who have landed in hot water for relieving themselves in public - Brendan Fevola, Mark Williams (during a VFL game), Nate Robinson and R Kelly.

If you find yourself on Beaufort Street, don't think twice about stepping in for a quality burger.

Score: 38/50

Alfred's Kitchen

Burger reviewed: The Hamburger with Bacon, Egg and Cheese 

Venue: Alfred's Kitchen (Perth) 

Date:  19/07/2013 

Today's burger adventure marks a significant milestone for the Burger Friday fraternity with this Burview being our 50th. Hazzah! 

When the Fellow's first came together in February 2011, we believed we had what it takes to complete multiple burger reviews. Not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7. Like the Miami Heat and the recently crowned King James, we at Burger Friday find it necessary to surround ourselves with talented people in order to put ourselves in the best position to succeed. As such, the lure of the 50th Burview saw Burger Friday introduce a number of high priced recruits - including All-Australian Ruckmen Nic Naitanui, a trio of Australian Diamonds netballers and Collingwood Premiership player Nathan Brown's brother Mitchell. Honestly, I haven't seen a team recruit this well since the Adelaide Crows gave up Chris Groom for Andrew McLeod in 1994. 

50 is a number whose significance is reflected in many sports. From a bullseye on a dart board to the quick raise of the bat and tweak of the box associated with a half ton in cricket. But most enjoyably, the number 50 is reserved a special place in the annals of basketball history. It was the number worn by Hall of Famer, "The Admiral" David Robinson. And it is the number retired by the University of North Carolina Tarheels for "Psycho T" Tyler Hansborough - a man whose idiotic persona on the basketball court has paved the way for other A-grade jousters such as Lance Stephenson, whose disappearing act in this years Eastern Conference Finals was made all the more enjoyable by the fact that he sledged LeBron for being a choker last year. Oh how I love watching people's comments come back to bite them on the arse! But it could be worse, Lance could have acted like former UFC Middleweight Champion Andersen Silva in his recent world title fight - where Andersen copped a glancing hook from Chris Weidman, acted like he was knocked out, only to be knocked out cold one second later. 

But enough clowning around, let's get to the aforementioned milestone review. 

Alfred's Kitchen is a quaint truck stop style burger kiosk located just across the road from Perth's Bassendean Oval, the home of the Swan Districts Football Club and WAFL sensation Murray Newman. Alfred's kitchen has specialised in serving fish 'n' chip style burger treats since 1946. One of the more enjoyable facets of Alfred's service was the open fire roaring out the front, which signals that Alfred's is open for business. With my inner pyro chomping at the bid, I had a look at the menu (or the "Graham Manou" as I like to call it) and Alfred's boasts over 40 burgers ranging from the coronary option double hamburger with egg, bacon and cheese to the lighter option of the lentil. We promptly ordered the single hamburger with bacon egg and cheese and got ready to chow down. 
  

The patty was, as it should always be, the star of the show. The subtle bitterness from the slightly charred outside of the patty mingled seductively with the coagulated meat fibres in a way that only a perfectly cooked handmade meat patty can. The juice and flavours covered and excited all parts of the palette like they were Igors Vihrovs dutch winking and flat bagging his way to the gold medal in the floor exercise at the Sydney Olympics (just wanted to send a shout out to our Latvian readership (almost 150 views from the great country). Anyone remember this bloke from Roy and H.G.'s "The Dream"?). I cannot say enough for how well this patty hit the spot. 

The bun was exquisite. Like a sesame freckled breast of an angel lightly toasted to perfection. There is so much to be said for the simple act of lightly toasting a burger bun. Actually, from this day forward I am going to declare a war on untoasted burger buns - these should be outlawed from burger production the way centre circle bounced pads were outlawed from the AFL in 1999 when they caused Shaun Rehn's leg to snap in half. 

The salads played their part - crisp and refreshing. Salads on a burger are like the guys making up the bench on an NBA team - slapping a towel on the ground is as flamboyant as they should get (Patty Mills - if there was a ring for towel waving, you'd be the finals MVP), but their main job is to hold back the other bench sitters when the stars of the show heat up, so that nobody gets a technical foul. 
The condiment of choice for Alfred's was a simple dollop of Heinz Big Red. Whilst some may gripe at the lack of a gourmet sauce, I applaud it. This is after all a burger aiming to do all of the simple things right, to become a whole that is more than the sum of it's parts. What you get when you have a "simple" burger try to be something else with an extravagant sauce combo is an unmitigated disaster - a Tony Romo if you will. Romo is one of the more talented QB's in the NFL but tries to do some extremely extravagant things on a football field (19 picks in the 2012 season alone). Stick to doing the fundamentals well instead champ.  
 
The chips were a perfect accompaniment to the burger and stayed true to the brief. They were crunchy, light on the inside and adequately dressed due to the selection of condiments. One of which was chicken salt. Nuff said. 

The overall rating of this burger suggests that there are some aspects for improvement, but if you start adding extravagant ingredients you take away the burger's identity. We here at Burger Friday encourage burger diversity and can find enjoyment out of all styles of burger. So I would not change a thing here. 

The sports person who I will compare this burger to is fast bowling icon turned breast cancer ambassador Glenn McGrath. As a result, I am dubbing the Alfred's Kitchen burger - "The line and length" burger. This burger hit all the right notes with its simplistic design and ingredients. It is a burger that would be successful all year round and in all kinds of conditions. As for Glenn McGrath's association with the number 50 - he scored arguably the most loved half century in all of cricket against our rivals from across the ditch. I cannot help but laugh at the look on Pidgeon's face after he slog sweeps Vettori for six. Enjoy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xo89Fh25a9w 

What is next for Burger Friday you ask? Well our fellow 50, Curtis Jackson, got shot nine times and "he ain't going no where". So buckle in an enjoy the ride to 100. 

Score: 41/50

Grill Station

Burger Reviewed:  Beef burger with the lot

Venue: Grill Station - Fairfield

Date:  28 June 2013

On the burger continuum – with the contemporary, knife and fork, dare-not-pick-it-up style burger at one end – the Grill Station in Fairfield happily bucks the modern trend and parks itself as an ambassador of the humble and rustic burger.  There is something particularly enjoyable about eating an unpretentious burger that doesn’t try to sell itself with ingredients that would not look out of place on a Jacques Reymond menu.  A throw back to the good old days, we sampled the beef burger with the lot – lettuce, tomato, egg, bacon, onion and tomato sauce – which was a steal at $12.50 with chips and a can of soft drink.

As you would probably expect, the décor of the Grill Station was befitting the burger.  Located a stones throw away from the train station, it was modest, down-to-earth and clean.  You felt that the focus of the budget for the fit-out was selectively used to purchase the large screen plasma which was throwing out live images of the footy – no complaints here.

Being old-fashioned and understated is hardly a criticism.  On the contrary – and this was never more evident than by the service we received at the venue; some of the best I have received from any on our burger journey.  While speed is one thing, and Grill Station cannot be faulted there, as first time visitors to the Grill Station we all left feeling as though we had known the staff for years.  Where your inner city venue might define the quality of service by the fancy jug they use to pour you a glass of water, the staff at Grill Station make you feel right at home.  A real pleasure in a time where you are more accustom to dealing with a machine or an offshore service centre.

To the burger.  The first thing you should notice about this is the size.  It is a rare occasion, and perhaps I was having an off day, that I struggle to finish a burger (and I am proud to say that I am still undefeated) but this was one satisfying meal.  The type of burger you crave when you’ve had a few too many sherbets the night before.

While the burger might have been enormous, my main gripe with this burger was the thickness of the pattie.  On a burger that cries out for the prima donna of patties, it was unfortunately overshadowed by the myriad of ingredients that accompanied it.  It must be noted that there is the option for additional patties, and maybe we’d consider upsizing in the future, but the robust flavours of the pattie seemed to get lost in the strength of the other flavours.  What there was of the pattie was tender, handmade, juicy and expertly cooked and seasoned.   

Although the pattie was more than capable of being the star of the show, there was a bit of Lance Picioane about the other accompaniments to the burger.  For those of you not versed in Triple M’s football commentary team’s use of this man’s surname as a verb – a quick history lesson.  Picioane, an honest but not great footballer, was renowned for making a concerted effort at the end of the match to spend as much time as possible speaking to the opposition star players with a view to getting a bit of airtime for himself.  In burger circles, a Picioane is an ingredient that tries to dominate the wholesome flavor of the beef.  In this instance, the egg and the bacon.  Both were perfectly cooked, the bacon charred and the egg fried so that the yolk wouldn’t run, but their perfection overshadowed the pattie.

The lettuce, tomato and onion were all fresh and well-seasoned as you would expect.  My preference would be for the onion to be sautéed slightly long, but lets not allow personal bias get in the way.  The cheese was of the simple tasty variety, which did well to cover the entire length of the bun.  While on the topic of the bun, this was fresh, toasted to a crunchy golden brown and big enough to wrap your mittens around.  It was the type of roll you would expect from a bakery rather than the fancy brioche number – a safe option that is hard to fault.

The chips were thick and well cooked.  They came out hot and crispy, but could’ve done with a pinch more salt – this wasn’t so noticeable as we were given a full bottle of refrigerated (let’s not go there again!) tomato sauce to use.  While your amateur burger blogger may have read the label and taken the Heinz tomato ketchup on the label as gospel, this was clearly a refilled bottle of plain tomato sauce.  Ketchup/tomato sauce? Six of one, half a dozen of the other – there is a difference though.  Ketchup any day of the week for mine but when you consider that similar venues are charging you twenty cents for a sachet of sauce that is majority air, you’re not going to be to upset when you get to give the bottle a generous squirt. 

To the favourite part of our blog – I am going to tag this as the Geoff Huegill burger.  The man who prematurely retired from the Australian swimming team only to return two years later looking as if a couple of airbags had blown up inside him.  While he was never quite able to make it to the elite category of swimmers, a 140kg bloke doing butterfly stroke when others of similar size would be happy to just float certainly endeared him to the Australian sporting public. Like Huegill, the Grill Station burger is massive, and while not quite at the top of our list, it is the type of place that you cannot help but warm to.  George and his team, like Huegill, are certainly the type of blokes you would love to sit down and have a beer with.  

A great rustic burger with top-notch service and outstanding value – you won’t be disappointed.

Burger Friday Score: 37/50

Sea Salt

Burger reviewed: The Beef Burger

Venue: Sea Salt

Date: 4 July 2013

Nestled in the hustling and bustling hip avenue of Degraves street, the Burger Friday fraternity located it's next burger adventure, Sea Salt.  As far as locations go, Degraves street showcases just what the real Melbourne ambience is about – cobble stoned streets, narrow laneways, Banksy-esque graffiti (art) adoring the neighbouring walls, and surrounded by mixture of boutique and eclectic shops. Uniquely Melbourne, it is the type of place you don’t mind your burger taking a bit of time to come out as there is so much to absorb.

Sea Salt unashamedly fits within this diverse shopping strip, it is unassuming yet deceptive at the same time.  At first glance you could be mislead by the large variety of homemade sushi rolls displayed in the front window to think this is just a sushi bar; should you enter, the perpetuating shout of fish and chips orders might give you a different impression, or were you to take a seat at the neat tables at the front of the store, you are likely to get the cafe-style lunch vibe.  It is the Swiss army knife of venues, or to use a contemporary football term – the ‘swing man’ of venues (ala Jake Carlisle, Michael Hurley and Ben Reid this year, or even your Adam Hunter who held the mantle for a while around '05/06). 

Before we get into the ratings, a little background of how we stumbled across this gem. Sea Salt is known around Melbourne (CBD) for its fish & chips, namely, its $8.90 Salmon Burgers & chips combo. However, due to beef being the BF meat of choice, we have steered clear of Sea Salt – until now.  It was with great enthusiasm that we heard whisper that this Melbourne institution was to debut it’s Gippsland Angus beef burger (for a limited time only).  Coincidence or fate... we think fate. Kudos to Sea Sat for branching out in the competitive burger market.

The burger came out in good time despite the peak hour time slot. The the waiters were friendly and unassuming, in many instances this has been a rare occurrence to us, it is however a very important reflection on the eatery. The presentation could not be faulted, the burger came out on a wooden board, with an aluminium mini deep fryer basket - although we've seen this presentation on a few occasions, it is a delight to the eye and very impressive.

The burger consisted of lettuce and tomato, tasty cheese, beetroot, mayo, tomato relish together with the pattie. The Gippsland beef pattie was well cooked, slightly pink in the middle, and lived up to all expectations. The beetroot was an absolute winner, an uncommon ingredient in the upper market burger industry; together with the tomato it was highly refreshing. The one let down of the burger was the oversupply of mayonnaise which filtered through to the pattie and provided an unpleasant creaminess which overpowered the charcoal finish and the texture of the pattie. There is an obvious solution to that – tell Popeye in the kitchen to lay off the spinach – or, better yet, include a slice of crispy bacon, the saltiness of which would help to offset the creaminess of the burger.

Having said that, credit must be given for the chips. Golden, crispy throughout, well drained and generously seasoned. These chips were a craftsmanship to be proud of and must have taken years to master. Hats off guys!

After much deliberation, we have decided to dub this burger the Paul "Big Fish" Salmon.  After an illustrious career as one of the best tap ruckman in the business with Essendon and Hawthorn, the Big Fish was poached out of retirement by the old fox Kevin Sheedy, where he was primarily used as a forward in order to prolong his career.  Similarly, Sea Salt has forged its way successfully in the fish & chip market, and is now making strong strides into the beef burger industry. With a little improvement, Sea Salt Angus Burgers will be a mainstay of DeGraves St.

We can only hope that this limited edition burger becomes a permanent fixture on the Sea Salt menu.

Burger Friday Rating: 36/50

Ribs & Burgers

Burger reviewed: The Original

Venue: Ribs & Burgers

Date: 9 June 2013

An acclaimed restaurant in Sydney, with stores in Neutral Bay and Star City Casino, Ribs & Burgers (R&B) made its foray into Melbourne in 2012 at the rear of the Northcote Shopping Plaza.  Adjacent to the entrance of the carpark and opposite the local skate park, it was the type of location that you would expect to see a Nandos or a Grill’d franchise and not your flagship Melbourne store. While we might have had our reservations as to the choice of locations, the abundance of young professionals in the apartments above and in the neighbouring townhouses provided a steady flow of patrons to the venue and showed that management have found a niche location.

We settled down at an old wooden table to sample the original burger, which came with a primal cut beef mince patty, grilled, basted and served on a freshly baked sesame seed bun with iceberg lettuce, tomato, Spanish onion, dill pickles and special pink and BBQ sauce.  While we waited for our burger (which came at good speed), it was hard to ignore the fitout of a vintage butcher shop.  Meat mincers adorned the walls, staff wore a traditional blue aprons and the traditional blue & white butchers paper was in plentiful supply.   In discussing the décor, it would be remiss of us to not mention the table number which rivals the Jus Burger toy dinosaur for best table adornment.  The half-pot half-kettle, or pottle for short, was an interesting take on the famous idiom, ‘the pot calling the kettle black’.

It is important if you’re going to put yourself out there to be a butcher, with all the connotations that naturally follow, that you get the core ingredient of the burger – the patty – down pat.  This is where you would ordinarily expect to read: ‘to our disappointment’, but on the contrary.  The flame grilled burger provided a perfectly charred and smokey exterior, yet maintained the tender juiceness that comes when meat is cooked to an ideal medium.  Handmade and cooked to perfection, this pattie is a bona fide contender to rival Rockpool (in my opinion) for the best pattie in the business.  A real pleasure.

We were equally delighted when we read the menu to see that this fantastic specimen of meat was to be accompanied by special pink and BBQ sauce.  Credit to R&B for making the decision to take the path less trodden and shy away from the typical tomato sauce number.  The risk in doing so, however, is that if the alternative is not up to the standard of the generic variety then you open yourself to criticism.  To our disappointment, this was the case.  One of our guests likened the ‘pink’ sauce to an off-the-shelf seafood variety, it was hard to argue with.  It has no place on a burger and was bereft of any real flavor.  The BBQ sauce was more of the sweet variety and while nothing ostensibly wrong with it, a smokier BBQ sauce would’ve complemented the charred burger.  The problem here was the combination of sauces just didn’t work.  Perhaps refine the BBQ sauce and that should be more than enough.

While on the topic of improvements, I am going to touch on one of the culinary faux pas’ that has previously gone undocumented in this blog.  The eye of the tomato.  Although its namesake may bring back fond memories of Rocky Balboa in training before going on to triumph against Apollo Creed, there is nothing to celebrate here.  The tomato is staple ingredient of any burger and goes without the plaudits that it probably deserves.  While it won’t get recognition for what it does right, it certainly draws attention when it goes wrong.  There is nothing worse than when a kitchen tries to stretch a tomato that little bit too far and you’re left munching on the wooden eye which attaches to the vine.  It is the type of cost cutting exercise you would expect to see at Subway.  An innocent mistake in this instance, but a mistake that the best restaurants in town are not going to make.

In contrast, the beer battered chips were an excellent example of the industry wide improvement we have witnessed as to the overall quality of chips.  The standard of ‘chippery’ – the art of frying a chip – has improved remarkably in recent times.  Gone are the days of playing Russian roulette in a McDonald’s queue hoping that you might strike gold with some freshly cooked fries.  Standards have improved for the better and the R&B chips can proudly carry the baton on this front.  The R&B chippery was hard to fault; the chips were freshly cooked, crisp, crunchy and generously seasoned.  If I was to have one criticism, it would be to reiterate that the condiments were lacking.

To digress for a moment and to take a look at something that surfaced on one of the plates of our guests – the old onion ring.  We are creatures of habit at Burger Friday and will not deviate from Burger + Chips, unless out of necessity, so an onion ring is somewhat of a delicacy.  Like the chips, the B&G onions rings were expertly cooked to the point where I fouind myself hovering like a seagull to try and get a second tasting.  It got me thinking, on the lines of process improvement, that the original burger could really benefit from the inclusion of these outstanding onion rings.  The texture, saltiness and bite of the onion ring would just take this burger to a new level.

In light of the patches of brilliance that this burger demonstrated, we are going to christen this burger the Jeffrey Gartlett.  Few players polarize their own supporter base more than Gartlett.  His highlights package is elite, but he has tendencies to go missing for large patches of time and against quality opposition.  If he can iron out the inconsistencies in his performance, he has the potential to be one of the best small forwards in the game.  Equally, the R&B burger has amazing potential but is brought down by a few minor flaws. 

A few tweaks to the accompaniments to the patty – some of the aforementioned onion rings, refine the BBQ sauce and ensure fresh salad – and it will only be a matter of time before patrons visit Northcote Plaza for the sole purpose of sampling the R&B burger.   Don’t let our focus on the areas of improvement curb your enthusiasm for this burger, it is our enthusiasm for the potential of the R&B to compete with Melbourne’s best burgers that drives our constructive criticism.  All things being equal, you will struggle to find a better burger in a shopping centre.  Good value at $18 for burger, chips and a coke – would happily go back.

Burger Friday Rating: 39/50

Lord of the Fries

Burger Reviewed: The Original Melbourne 

Venue: Lord of the Fries 

Date: 14/6/2013 

Today the Burger Friday fellows ventured to the hustle and bustle of the corner of Elizabeth St and Flinders St to visit arguably the flagship store of Lord of the Fries (LOTF). 

Having started in 2004, on the back of a group of friends mutual love of fries, LOTF should perhaps be credited with kick starting the food truck revolution in Melbourne. It was LOTF that started in a van driving around the country selling fries, until they eventually graduated to get a permanent spot in the Melbourne city, expanded their menu to include burgers, onion rings and hot dogs, and the rest as they say in the classics is history. 

Since starting, LOTF has crafted itself a nice niche in the Melbourne food industry in that it serves not only vegetarian food, but also Kosher and Halal; which, in the fast food business, is as rare as trying to find a Melbourne supporter during the opening weekend of the ski season. Having eaten our way through pounds of meat on our journey to find burger nirvana, it was nice to be able to change it up by trying a vegetarian burger.

As is the Burger Friday tradition where possible, the fellows had the signature burger, being the Original Melbourne. The Original Melbourne burger comes with a special LOTF burger patty, grated cheese, pickles, onions, lettuce, Belgian mayo, mustard and ketchup on a freshly baked bun. Being a vegetarian burger, we were as clueless as a camel that had inexplicable found itself at the North Pole, but the combination of flavors was what really surprised.

While The triumvirate of sauces on the beautifully crunchy bun was a winner. There is something to be said for the commitment to bake the buns daily, as this really elevated this burger. And the inclusion of mayo, mustard and ketchup went as well together as well as Bob, Jack and Lou used to in the old days on Wide World of Sport. The pickles on the burger were provided a bit of tang to the burger. The grated cheese was plentiful and provided some bite and texture, but I think the burger would have benefitted had the cheese been melted on the burger.  

Talking about texture, it provides a good segue to talk about the patty. Made from a textured vegetable protein, the patty was surprisingly good and a more than reasonable substitute for meat. Undeniably the best judge of any substitute is the blindfold test – would you notice the difference if you were blindfolded – and I would have to imagine there are many late night patrons who have purchased a burger from LOTF with their beer goggles on and have left fully satisfied not knowing that they have actually been dining on a meat substitute.

If I was to have one gripe, it would be that the pattie was perhaps just a little too soft in that it melted into the rest of the burger. I would have liked to have seen something with a little more crispiness/chargrill to it to emphasize its substance and prove that it should be the star of the show.

Talking about stars, the real ones of this show were the ones which the store was named after. Crispy, double fried, and presented with an array of sauces – these were fantastic. Kudos to the Lord on these glorious things.

Overall this was a very tasty burger and would gladly give a few more of the burgers on the menu a crack. While it is the first vegetarian burger we have tried, we were pleasantly surprised (particularly in light of our known carnivorous bias).

In honour of its vegetarian status, I am going to dub the LOTF Burger – the David Zabriskie. Zabriskie is a professional cyclist and also a vegan. He is known for his quirky nature, including singing before stages and the interviews he does with fellow riders in the peloton. Besides all that, he is a very good rider, and practically the Lord of the US time trials, winning the US national title 7 times. The fact that he is a little bit different resonates well with Lord of the Fries and its originality.

If you are a vegetarian, or if you are not, it is worth giving this burger a go as it will definitively open your eyes to some new horizons. Although we advocate burgers are made for a Friday afternoon, we are also fans of a bargain – so why not head down on a Monday afternoon for a LOTF two-for-one special (all Mondays in July – subscribe to their twitter account for other deals) and try something a little different.

Burger Friday rating: 32/50

Mr Burger

Burger Reviewed: Mr Meat

Venue: Mr Burger CBD - 428 Little Bourke Street, Melbourne 

Date: 7/6/2013

Today the Burger Friday fellows ventured to Little Bourke St to visit the new permanent home of the infamous food truck Mr Burger. Whilst the food truck market in Melbourne has blossomed like a colt on spell in a good paddock, Mr Burger has now set up permanent digs to complement its growing fleet of burger kitchens on wheels. 

If you haven’t heard about the array of food trucks proliferating Melbourne’s northern suburbs in a new location each evening, you might have as well been living under a rock. Serving various cuisines, the Fellows have sampled a few of the burgers served up by a couple of these trucks and not once been disappointed. The Mr Burger truck is no exception and it was with great excitement when we learnt that they had decided to stop permanently in one spot.

Located outside the famed Queen Street legal chambers, in what was previously the Chaplin bar, the venue chosen by Mr Burger is barely larger than what would be found in a food truck. But that certainly did stop a long line of eager burger lovers queuing out the door when we had arrived on a brisk Melbourne Friday.

Whilst the size of the menu, with just 3 burgers on it (the aptly named Mr Burger, Mr Meat and Mr Veg burgers), chips and drinks, echoed the diminutive venue, it would be easy to write off this place as being a one trick pony. And to be honest you should. BUT, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The ability to serve a simple menu and do it damn well is a primary reason for why food trucks are making a killing. Let’s call this the Ray Allen principle in honour of the famed three point shooter. When you can be a master of one, you do not need to be a jack of all.

The burger we had today was the Mr Meat. Whilst our usual preference is to have the signature burger of the venue which in this case would be the Mr Burger, we thought that it would only be fair in light of our burger rating system which scores points for the inclusion of bacon to sample the Mr Meat burger. While the Mr Meat may be the second burger listed on the menu, it has a fair case to argue that it is the superior. One fellow likened it the Scott Pendlebury to the Mr Burgers Nick Maxwell. Whilst this probably undersells the quality of the Mr Burger, as both burgers are exceptional, its hard to argue on paper with the pedigree.

The Mr Meat comes with a hand made juicy meat pattie, butter lettuce, crispy bacon, caramelised onions, pickles, bbq sauce, mayonnaise and topped with a whole heap of oozing American cheese on a soft bun. As can be seen from the photo, the burger literally oozes. This burger was juicy, almost to its fault. Fortunately the foil wrapping of the burger was able to assist in keeping the juiciness of this burger in control.

The pattie was cooked to a beautiful medium rare, but the real star for me was the cheese. Melted onto the pattie as part of the cooking process, this American jack cheese provided both saltiness and savoury. Melting the cheese on the pattie just binds together the burger and ensures each bite combines all the various flavours. All in all the Mr Meat was a delightful burger, deceptively simple and mouth wateringly tasty.

If one criticism was to be forthcoming, it wouldn’t be the burger, but just the periphery, being the lack of any where to sit, and the lack of beers available on the menu. Being a fan of a froth, the selection of soft drinks did not quite hit the spot. And then trying to find a place to eat the Mr Burger, left the Burger Friday fellows wandering the alleys like Brendan Fevola after a big night out. But when you do find a place to park your kester, boy is it worth it.

At under a tenner for the burger and $2 for a small chips, this unpretentious burger is a serious takeaway front runner. In light of its excellent quality, but lack of support from the periphery we are going to dub this burger the Ryan Griffen. Griffen, the Western Bulldogs midfielder, is a genuine jet, who put in another team may have been able to take his game to another level. Similarly perhaps if Mr Burger had some spots to eat, this would be even better. But let’s be honest that is a relatively minor complaint and is not a knock on the burger. The comparatively inexpensive price of the burger would also be of appeal the cash strapped Bulldogs.

If you can chase down a truck, or find the permanent location, do yourself a massive favour and get to Mr Burger now.

Burger Friday Rating: 40.5 

Burger Monster

Burger Reviewed: Hamburger + Cheese and Bacon

Venue: Burger Monster

Date: 24/5/2013

This week the Burger Friday fraternity journeyed into uncharted waters and made the trek down to the Harbour Town shopping centre. Located in Melbourne's infamous Docklands, where tumbleweeds would not be out of place on the best of days, it is fair to say that the ambience surrounding Harbour Town is far from perfect.  Former Victorian Planning Minister, and dual Carlton premiership ruckman, Justin “Harry” Madden has a lot to answer for here.  Sadly, he is more likely to be remembered for his role in approving this desolate shopping district rather than his loping two bounces and goal from fifty (while being chased through the centre of Waverley Park by another of the great dinosaur ruckmen, Shaun Rehn) – well worth a look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWQ7QhWoOdE.

Despite the adversities of its surrounding, for which the BM can take no blame, the BM franchise remains passionate about rekindling the nostalgic memories of the "Great Australian Burger".  It proudly displays its burger mantra (which other venues could learn a thing or two from):

-A Great Australian Burger is a juicy burger that’s cooked on the grill only when you order it.
-The Great Australian Burger originated in the Milk Bar’s and Fish & Chip Shops of the Seventies.
-Australians love a good Burger. And we’re not talking junk food mass produced in a factory.

Against the backdrop (and excitement) of a traditional Aussie burger, we ordered the Hamburger + Cheese & Bacon for a reasonable $7.95; add in small chips and your fish & chip shop-style can of soft drink and the price came to a round $14.

Sure enough, as soon as we ordered the chef threw the pattie on the grill, staying true to the BM values of no pre-made produce. We prayed that this was a sign of things to come.

The burger consisted of a fresh ground beef pattie, tasty cheese, lettuce, tomato, grilled onion, bacon and the BM special sauce.

The bun was a light, thin and pleasantly grilled, with dead horse spread on the bottom and the special sauce on the top. The special sauce was a winner – a somewhat smoky mayonnaise, it provided a nice balance to perfectly charred burger and was in generous supply.

The pattie was all it promised to be, juicy and charred to perfection. Along with its loyal companions of grilled onion and crispy bacon, this was burger was to form and was one of the most Aussie tasting burger we've had so far.  It brought back memories of summer days of throwing a pattie on the BBQ while watching the Aussie Open in 30 degree heat.

With this memory in mind, we must dub this Burger the Wayne "Uncle" Arthur Burger.

During a long-spanning career on the international Tennis tour, Wayne Arthurs portrayed everything that Australian sportspersons strive to stand for. With a never give up attitude, the Aussie battler always left all he had on the court, and despite his shortcomings as a player drew unmatched popularity from the Australian public. Sensationally Uncle Arthurs won his first tour title at the ripe age of 33.

Like Arthurs, the Burger Monster burger portrayed everything we love about Australian sportspersons, albeit in cuisine sense. Notwithstanding the fact that it' still a fair way off our top rated Burgers, we are proud to say we loved the Burger for what it was, a good Aussie feed. We believe with more exposure and time the Australian public will fall in love with this Burger franchise as well.

Burger Friday rating: 34.5/50