The Merrywell

Burger Reviewed: The Merrywell

Venue: The Merrywell

Date: 8/6/2012

This Friday’s burger adventure brought the fellows to Merrywell in Southbank to sample the originally named Merrywell burger.

On a day that saw LeBron James put up 45 points, 15 boards and 5 dimes against the Celtics, the Merrywell burger was never going to be the best performer of the day. However, it did put up a Paul Pierce esc effort – meaty, hard-hitting and full of class. Ironically, the table number we were given was number 34 – a number made famous by Paul Pierce himself and another unhinged superstar in Hakeem “the Dream”, but also a number that has been brought down by certain muppets such as Alan Toovey and the chemical element Selenium (a key ingredient in anti-dandruff shampoos). Anyways, why am I talking about this?

In order to understand the burger on the whole, we must first break it down into its parts – and to do so, I will be making reference to not one, not two, but three 1960’s Clint Eastwood Country and Western epics:

The Good:

The patty was really tasty and well cooked. The Chef/s at Merrywell have hit what is called “the grilling sweetspot” which steak cookers have been searching for for years. First discovered by Sir Barnabus T Grillplate, for which the cooking apparatus is named, “the grilling sweetspot” is that temperature of the grill that allows you to char the outside of the patty just enough to impose that slightly bitter charcoal flavour whilst keeping the inner patty to a perfect medium-rare. Full marks for the beef injection!

The Merrywell had what every good burger has, and every average burger lacks – and that is a bit of zip and zing in each bite – Zsa Zsa Zu for the female readers (the missus made me watch all six seasons). This represents a great lesson to be learned by all burger makers – a truly great burger has some kick in it - it may come in the form of pickles, mustard, charred bacon or a spicy relish. But it is an absolute must!

The Bad:   

The burger had some structural integrity issues mainly caused by a bun that was slightly too small to be serviceable (ah hem Jake King!!). However, it must be noted that the bun was only slightly off – another 1 – 2 cm’s extra in diameter would have been ideal.

Now I am not one for blaspheming but the bacon was virtually unnoticeable. I know, “thou shalt not take the bacon’s name in vain” but I just feel I have a responsibility to bring it to your attention. If the bacon was slightly crispier or slightly more charred it would have been a lot better.

The Ugly:

The burger was as wet and sloppy as something very wet and sloppy. I am going to leave the metaphor to you to think of. But it got to the stage where the bun went mushy – much the same way the tomato sangas your old girl made for you in primary school would have.

A Fist full of Dollars:

The Merrywell burger comes in at $20 even with a healthy serving of seriously good chips and a couple of sauce bottles by your side. If you don’t like Heinz Big Red (ridiculous thought I know but there are some backwards people who prefer a nice whole-egg mayonnaise or maybe even vinegar with their chips) you could just use the chips to soak up the litre of meat juice pooling at the bottom of the plate. Seriously, it was like the burger was Nick Reiwoldt’s head and it was watching the 2009 Grand Final medal presentations (also known as one of the happiest moments of my life – not a Geelong supporter in case you were wondering).

Hang ‘em high:

On the whole, the burger is an absolute ripper! All the toppings are fresh, the bun is light and easy to mung through, and the overall flavour is quite memorable.

The analogy I will use to describe this burger (as well as comparing it to Paul Pierce) is that of a Johnny Cash song. If you “Walk the line” to Merrywell, you will not “Cry, Cry, Cry” or end up with the “Folsom Prison Blues”. Instead “I promise you”, you will enjoy a cracking burger, and one that is should be served “When the man comes around”.

Burger Friday Rating: 42.15/50