Ponyfish Island

Burger reviewed: The Deluxe Beef Burger

Venue: Ponyfish Island

Date: 16/01/2013

Arrrghhhhhhhhhhh! No that is not me screaming in agony, but actually a largely pathetic impersonation of a pirate, as I thought it was befitting of the venue of today's burger - Ponyfish Island.

Ponyfish Island is found clinging to a few concrete pylons on the underside of the Yarra pedestrian footbridge, connecting Southbank and Flinders Street station. Practically in the middle of the Yarra, this is as about as close as I will ever get to paying homage to Jim Courier and his Australian Open Yarra River swimming victory celebrations.

Whilst in winter its cold as buggery with the wind whipping up, in summer this cafe turned bar is hipster Melbourne at its best. Given its tiny size, its meals are largely limited to what it can serve from a toasted sandwich maker and a BBQ. This is a shame because I would love to see what they could dish up with a full size kitchen. But at the end of the day when you have beers and bbq, you really can't complain otherwise you will look like a right royal twat ala Jana Pittman (or whatever alias that whinging minger is going by now days).

What is a Ponyfish you may ask? My initial guess was that its a funky move taken from puppetry of the penis shows performed as a party trick whenever the occasion should suit. For some reason though, I can't imagine that hipsters would call their bar after an agates and tackle trick. So what it really is, I have no idea. But one thing for sure is that the proprietors have got this place pumping harder than Jimmy "The Pumper" Cassidy going down the Flemington straight before those annoying whipping restrictions came in.

So onto the burger. The fellows today sampled the Deluxe Beef burger which comes with a big whack of beef on a sesame seed bun with coleslaw, mustard, tomato sauce, cheese and grilled onions. Whilst not necessarily visible from the photo, this burger is a genuine behemoth with some absolute ripper flavours. With the combination of the coleslaw and various sauces, this is a juicy and tasty burger. Big marks for the melting of the cheese on the meat pattie whilst on the grill! The crunch of the cabbage in the coleslaw also plays off nicely against the other flavours and really reminds me of a real home style burger, the type that you would get at a family bbq.

Unfortunately for the Ponyfish Island's burger rating, the one thing that I wish was home style, but evidently from its taste wasn't, was the meat pattie. We all know that the pattie itself is the most important part of a burger. This is evidenced in and a key feature of our patented burger rating system. A processed pattie is a big no no for mine and in the end this is what was the burgers down fall along with no available chips or bacon. Swap this out for a nice hand made piece of beef, slap on some bacon and a side of chips, chuck in a beer, charge $20 and this would be a very very good burger.

So in honour of the processed meat pattie and its behemoth size, I will dub this burger the Hulk Hogan. It was great sadness the day when I found out that the Hulkster wasn't just taking vitamin C when he was preaching to everyone to "say your prayers and take your vitamins". A similar level of melancholy coursed through my veins when I bit into this visually appealing beast of a burger only to taste a manufactured pattie.

If you are in the area though definitively check out Ponyfish. If you are going to have the burger, I recommend sampling a few of the longnecks of beer they were selling first. Probably will taste amazing after a refreshing froth or three. Arggghhhhhhh

Burger Friday Score: 30/50