The Precinct Hotel

Burger Reviewed: The Wagyu Beef Burger

Venue: The Precinct Hotel

Date: 8/1/2013

Ahhh the first burger of the new year. Walking towards the Precinct Hotel I got the same feeling I do on the morning of the first test for the summer - one of excitement. It is the same feeling I get after watching Richmond lose their round 1 match up and you just know that they are going to miss the finals for another year. I will begin this burview by issuing a sincere and heartfelt apology to our readership for the lack of reviews towards the later half of the year.

Our last review was back on the 14th of September meaning that whilst peaking early made Burger Friday's year a lot like Essendon's season, at least we made it to September. So to quote former possession of weapons convict T.I. and the Jonas Brothers (a poor man's One Direction) - "We're sorry".

We entered the Precinct Hotel and were surprised to find a absolute paddock of space for us to sit in. We promptly ordered the advertised $20 beer and burger deal and were given the table number 93 - a number best known for being the route which connects Newfoundland to Labrador. The year '93 was best known for the Essendon premiership, their first since back to back flags in 1984-85 - both of which Dustin Fletcher played in. That year in sport was also known for the Chicago Bulls completing the first of their two three-peats and Michael Jordan announcing his first retirement (seriously, MJ may be the greatest of all time but he is up their with Brett Favre in the worst of all time at retiring successfully. At least MJ pronounces his surname correctly).

History lesson aside, the burger itself is a tough one to describe as all of the individual ingredients that make up the burger could be criticised on their own but when combined into the unadulterated gloriousness that is meat wrapped in bread, the burger seems to work well.

Which leads me to the word I will use to describe this burger as a whole - workmanlike.

The patty was big and juicy but obviously processed. I would liken it to Russell Crowe's performance in the Les Miserables movie - forgettable. What was the casting manager thinking when he chose Russell Crowe for that part? Hasn't he heard of the insult to the music industry that is Russell's band - Thirty Odd Foot of Grunt (no, that name is not a joke).

The bun looked doughy on first peep but was needed to support the meaty beef patty. The bacon had barely kissed the grill. And the sauce combo of mayo and Heinz Big Red had combined with the lettuce shards to create a reasonable replica of McDonald's secret sauce.

This burger is an easy one to fix for the Precinct Hotel - add an 'erb or spice to the patty to give it a little kick and cook the bacon a little longer. The patty/bun/sauce combo is simple and effective, and with the changes recommended I would have no issue in rating this burger in the very high 30's.

The chips were the highlight. Well cooked, crunchy and plentiful. Some of the better we have had. But dipping sauce was non-existent.

The person whom this burger is most accurately compared to would be former Australian cricket captain Mark Taylor. He is not going to dance down the pitch and smack the opening quick back over his head or tug on David Hussey's shirt to stop him from running a second (if the stars play the renegades in the semi's I reckon we just line them up for a good old fashioned Donnybrook). But you know what you are getting from him.

I would recommend this burger if you are in the area and want a good honest feed.

 Score = 34/50

The Breslin Bar & Grill

Burger Reviewed: The Lamb Burger with feta and cumin

Venue: The Breslin Bar & Grill

Date: 14/9/2012

Today the Burger Friday Fellows ventured down to the banks of Southbank to check out the areas newest eatery - the Breslin Bar & Grill. A brand new venue which has recently popped up, the Breslin is one impressive venue. While bright and airy venues are the style de jour of most places nowadays, the Breslin is decked out in dark leather and low lighting, complete with faux antler fixtures. Walking into this place reminded me of that scene in Ace Ventura - When Nature Calls when Ace walks into that "lovely room of death". Hilarious. Just a place that to look at you would believe it would smell of rich mahogany and meat, and would not look amiss as a "Boss House" of Ralph Lauren.

So given the plush digs, and the promise of carnivorous delights associated with the name of the venue we were expecting big things. The burger itself comes out on a chopping board, with an arrangement of condiments, including pickled beetroot and twice cooked chips. Everything to date was positive, but to understand our rating, we have to break this burger down into its parts.

Being a meat lovers paradise, naturally the patty was the star of the show. A quality handmade patty of generous proportions which was cooked to a juicy medium. The quality of the patty was top notch and made me want to order a side of steak or pork ribs. I liken the patty to the annual MLB Home Run Derby - you were promised a big man smashing a pill as far as possible. And it delivered.

Unfortunately, the quality of the patty was taken over by the doughiness of the bun. It was burgeoning on unpleasant. While the meat to patty ratio was good, afterwards I felt like that guy on current affair that falls asleep 65 times a day spontaneously. While I enjoy a food coma as much as the next man, it oft arrives at that inconvenient time when you have work to finish off in the afternoon.

With a doughy bun, you really need the remaining ingredients on the burger to step in to counteract. While the addition of feta was an interesting inclusion which definitely gave the burger a little something extra, we didn't get the required freshness of the salads (unsurprising considering the nature of the service offering Breslin), the crispiness of the bacon or the tang of a sauce combination to really make this burger work. As a result, this burger did not rate well from a synergy point of view.

The chips were plentiful in supply and cooked well but much like the bun, they were a little chunky and just gave off an overly doughy/starchy feel that was like eating a whole potato. Cut each chip in half before cooking it and all of a sudden you have yourself a belter of a chip.

For me at the end of the day, this burger was probably like a young Gary Ablett Jnr in his first year. You can tell the Breslin are going to do very good things in the future, giving enough glimpses of the potential pedigree to come. While young Gary and the Breslin might not standout in there first year as the best going around currently, there is definitely a lot of potential there to suggest that they could go to great levels. I am looking forward to it.

Burger Friday Rating: 32.5/50

Cafe Bar Hotel

Burger reviewed: The HOTEL Burger

Venue: Cafe Bar Hotel

Date: 17/8/2012

Today the burger Fridays fellows ventured down to the cafe at the bottom of the Pitcher Partners building. Given the locale at the bottom of an office building, expectations are quite rightly set low. The place is essentially a glorified food court venue, but if you worked in that building you wouldn't mind the quick service at bargain basement prices that it lends itself to. Beers on tap and some Irish hospitality from the birds behind the counter make the experience an enjoyable one.

The immediate thought that pops into your head when you look at the photo above is that the burger looks dry. This was due to a number of factors.

Firstly, the patty was slightly more towards well done that the ideal juicy medium that the Fellows have come to love. The patty itself was actually quite tasty due to the herbs thrown into the patty mixture. However, the grill plate temperature was set too low and the burger cooked through - resulting in the juices from the meat being cooked out.

Secondly, the buns seemed to be a tad on the older side (or what supermarket special boards would refer to as "crusty bread ideal for croutons"). We do not mind crustier bread as long the burger makes up for the lack of moisture in other ways. The crusty bread coupled with the over cooked patty resulted in the need for a mid-mouthful swig of beer. Every cloud has a silver lining I suppose.

Thirdly, the burger lacked the salads which can normally be relied upon to refresh the palette. A small handful of lettuce and a cheeky slice of tomato and/or beetroot would have been serviceable. The Fellows are not ones to harp on about the need for salad on a burger but when you don't get enough of it, you really notice it. I am sure Turtle from Entourage has been preaching this phenomenon for quite a while. 

Finally, the sauce combination was quite good (being of tomato chutney and American style mustard) but was in limited supply. A drier bun can be saved due to a plentiful supply of sauce moistening it. However, this was not the case. Although, props must be given for a sauce combination for with the desired level of tang which gave the burger a balanced taste.

Unfortunately, the burger itself fits the character of something befitting a food court location. However, the ripper value at $11 with chips and beer is probably the most note worthy aspects of the burger. I suppose that is kinda like the most note worthy thing about Liz Cambage is that she is big, i.e. pretty obvious from the outset and after seeing her play, there is not much else worth mentioning.

If you worked in the area it's worth giving a crack but I wouldn't venture too far out of your way to get there. But at the end of the day, I have never met a bad burger - only better ones. And even though this burger is at the bottom end of our scale, it is still satisfying enough to warrant the $11.

Burger Friday rating: 27/50

 

New York Burger

Burger reviewed: The Manhattan Burger

Venue: New York Burger

Date: 6/7/2012

The Collins Street store of New York Burger Co (NYBC) was the venue of today’s Burger Friday meeting. And to give you the result straight up, I was left slightly underwhelmed.

NYBC is a relatively new entrant to the market of franchised burger venues and its signature burger, the Manhattan, was the burger dejour. Proclaiming to be from the land of the bigger, stronger, fatter I expected this thing to be f’ing huge. I am talking burger the size of Brett Ebert’s head, enough chips to stop Adam Richman in his tracks and coupled with a xxxl size refillable cup of soda. 

And to be honest, I  don’t think this is unreasonable when you think of the largesse that New York has provided the world. The Big Apple, the home of the Big Bambino, the Donald, the Yankees, the Knicks. A place that Frank Sinatra loved so much he repeated its name twice!

But unfortunately my gluttonous dreams were deflated when it came out. It was just kinda normal. Real normal. Just your real run of the mill, smack bang in the middle, average burger. Kinda like every player on the Melbourne football club list type of normal.  

The patty was the highlight of the burger but still had its flaws (it is kind of like being labelled as the smartest contestant on the TV show "The Hills"). It was well cooked but clearly was not handmade. A handmade burger is so much more of an asset to a burger maker in that firstly, the meat is generally of higher quality but also, spices and herbs can be tossed into the patty mixture allowing you to personalise your patty. Not to mention allowing you to finagle the mixture into whatever size and shape you want. My number one tip for NYBC would be to upgrade to a handmade patty and experiment with the patty mixture to give a truer New York experience. Nostalgia is gold.   

The bun did its job in that it kept the burger together. That is about all we can say for it. Much like the maligned Australian-born English wicket keeper Geraint Jones - he stopped the ball from going to the boundary when the batsmen left it - that is all.  

The chips were akin to the style and serving size you get from McD’s for $1 on the dollar change menu and were quite well done. A good shoestring fry with some nice sauce is always going to please the Fellows. Unfortunately, the sauce was lacking.  

Everything is better with bacon and the same holds true for the burger at NYBC. However, the bacon lacked the ideal crunch that would make this burger better tuxturally.  

All in all, the burger had flavours similar to that of your local fish and chip shop, but without the ooze of cheese and egg. Due to the fact that this burger seemed to lack effort and the ability to live up to its name, we are likening this burger to Nathan Ablett. But hey, he won a premiership - that makes him a better footballer than Nathan Buckley in my book.

The price was reasonable at around $13 for the meal combo which is good for a venue in amongst the rat race that is Collins Street. If you are in the area, it is probably worth trying. 

Burger Friday Rating: 30/50