Uncle Joe's (Perth)

Today’s burger adventure saw a rag tag crew of burger lovers venture down to Uncle Joe’s Mess Hall in Perth’s CBD. Uncle Joe’s also doubles as a barber and is responsible for some of the freshest (and most expensive) salads that Perth has ever seen (the irony of this is explained below). The burger of choice was Uncle Joe’s Angus Beef Burger.

(not our photo - hence, the chips)

The patty was a bit like Steph Curry in the NBA Finals – it had all the talent to put the series away but came up short when it needed to be the MVP. How about you take a unanimous seat over there Steph and have a good hard unanimous look at yourself. But I digress. The burger struck me as something which was not hand made in that it had that hockey puck shape which is typically indicative of a burger straight from the packet. But the flavour was reasonable (a bit of extra herbage may have helped) and was cooked perfectly.


The bun was the highlight of the show for mine. When it came out I instantly thought I was in for an uber sweet brioche but it was actually a pretzel style bread and had the perfect amount of crust on the outside whilst maintaining the fluffy inside. The size of the bun in proportion to the patty was spot on such that burger management was never an issue. Although it does say a little something about the burger that the side kick, being the bun, was the star of the show – call it Draymond.


The salads on the burger were virtually none existent apart from a few sprigs of rocket – call them Harrison Barnes. Whilst the salads are not the main guy on the team, you notice their lack of presence if they go missing (2 for 20 from the field in games 5 and 6 – good luck in free agency young fella). I must admit that I was slightly disappointing that the most prevalent salads at Uncle Joe’s were situated on the scalps of the customers of Uncle Joe’s Barbers. Also of note, Uncle Joe’s employed the recently favoured technique of deconstructing the burger by serving a dollop of mayo, a pickle and a teaspoon of salsa on the side. This doesn’t do much for me. Just plonk this stuff on the burger and get on with it.


The sauce combination was actually very effective – with the aforementioned mayo and a delightful seeded mustard. The use of seeded mustard is quite seldom but given it goes smashingly well with a steak then it makes sense that it would go well with a burger. The benefit of the seeded mustard is the vinegar content and its ability to cut through and neutralise the char on the burger which can be overpowering if not done well – call the sauce combo Iggy.   


There is not much I can write about the chips because there weren’t any. Just a small section of grilled corn which played a role but not what was needed in the circumstances – call the lack of chips the “King Flopper” Anderson Varejao.


Overall, the burger worked quite well as a whole but was missing a piece or two to get the job done. The burger has been talked up big time and to add to this, every hipster and his dog is now on the Uncle Joe’s fresh-cut salad bandwagon (just like everyone is on the Steph Curry bandwagon – although a few people have unanimously left that train of recent times).


In light of the above, I am coining this burger the 2016 Golden State Warriors burger. Ironically, the architect of the Golden State Warriors is a guy by the name of Joe Lacob. Perhaps he owns Uncle Joe’s. Illuminati shit right there.

Score - 36

The Reveley (Perth)

Much like Sam Smith’s feeble attempt at a “Bond song” the writing was well and truly on the wall well before we ventured down to The Reveley located at Perth’s new Elizabeth Quay.


To start with, it was the first day of 2016 where it actually rained in Perth. Given this typically occurs only 10 times a year over in the West, it was an early sign that it was going to be a tough day out there for this young player. (For those Melbournians reading this review, the writer appreciates that just surviving New Years Day without rain is cause for celebration over East, nonetheless we weren’t happy with the rain in our parade even if it was the end of April).


The Reveley opened to much fanfare down at Betty’s Jetty and being the second CBD establishment of the owners of Stables Bar, this burger enthusiast had high hopes. The three storey venue is a great addition to the Perth foreshore and when the deserted Quay finally has a tenant or two it is sure to attract regular crowds on a Friday night for a cheeky frothy.

The burger served was a Wagyu Beef burger with bacon and a side of chips for the not so poultry sum of $26.


Unlike the writer of our previous review, this writer is not going to indulge in a selfish ego boosting monologue about whether or not bacon belongs on a burger. This writer acknowledges that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and those who are of the opinion that a burger requires bacon are simply wrong.


With that out of the way our attention is turned to the burger itself, initially the rating received was slightly higher than that which was landed on as some members of the voting panel made revisions to their scoring when the burger had failed to properly digest a number of hours later.


Starting with the biggest gripe of the reviewers – the patty. Advertising a Wagyu Beef patty is a sure fire way to get this lad salivating at the prospect of a big, juicy and fresh meat patty. The false advertising here was much like Coles’ attempt at “Fresh Baked Bread”. It may have contained some form of Wagyu beef but sourcing the patty from the Coles frozen food section and then serving it up at a fine establishment like this saw the ratings heading “down down” right from the start.


The bun was of sound size and freshness, and while the Bun should never steal the limelight in “The Burger Show” when the Melbourne Stars take the field, it certainly would help if there was a little bit of Cameron White excitement (e.g. some charcoal toasting) to add some flavour to the match. (A shout out to the hipster of hipster’s – The Big Show, who was kind enough to make time in his schedule to join us for this review).


The salads were a bit of a non-event – staying with the cricket theme here they were a bit like Luke Ronchi, promising so much on paper with the suggestion of some dill pickle and caramelised onions but falling for a duck with a forward defence that leaves a mighty big gap between bun and patty. Some advice is offered at this point: wash and dry the lettuce (especially if its iceberg). I guess the expensive fitout left the owners short of enough cash to invest in a salad spinner. Or maybe it was all invested in maintaining a fresh salad atop James Faulkner’s mug.


The caramelised onion was however a great addition, and the pickles good (although lacking in quantity). Those reviewers who appreciate bacon in the burger did comment that the maple smoked bacon was a good addition and could be great if given a little more love.


Finally, it was the lack of sauces which resulted in an expensive last 5 overs for The Reveley. It was always going to be an uphill battle when you’re taken out of the attack after starting the over with 3 full bungas from Dirk Nannes and forget the Mustard. But to replace it with Michael Beer who without any discernible turn (or in this case mayo or tomato sauce) meant it was going to be a very boring finish to the match.


The saving grace for this burger was the chips. Coming in at the end of a long batting line-up to save the day like David Hussey, the fries were crispy and well coated in salt with solid aioli and tomato dipping sauces. They simply did the job in terms of quantity and got enough runs on the board to put forward a competitive total.


Overall, this burger was a big let-down for a venue that promises so much. I should note that before signing off there were some members at the table who were very satisfied with their crumbed whiting fish and chips – a dish that this reviewer is known to get just a tad excited about from time to time.


Given the good looks, significant hype and advertising one cannot help but be reminded of Jack Watts when reflecting on this burger. Like the Melbourne coaching staff we are torn by the promise of the talent displayed by the owners at Stables Bar in the reserves (e.g. the 2008 Under 18s) but since making it onto the big stage the pressure seems to have become too much to handle. Let’s hope that The Reveley doesn’t take 8 years to find its way like our mate Jack who has only now decided in 2016 to get those fingernails dirty and win his own ball every now and again.




Score - 29.4

Howling's Bar (Hood Burger)

In the immortal words of Michael Jordan from March 18, 1995:

“I’m back.”

After a hiatus of almost two years, we are delighted to announce that the Burger Friday crew have enlisted some help defence and are back bigger and better than ever. Such a glorious return to the spotlight needed to be accompanied by a burger to match (MJ played his first game back in Indiana for those playing at home) – so we wandered up the terrace to Howling’s Bar to sample the pop-up Hood Burger which has set up shop at Howling’s Bar.

Howling’s Bar is located on the busy Hay Street in the Perth CBD and was opened after a rather expensive renovation of the facilities. The first few months for Howling’s Bar were tough as they copped some heavy criticism on the interweb for their menu. To their credit, they took all of this feedback on board and enlisted the help of the pop-up stall – Hood Burger – to offer patrons an array of burger treats (and pretty much nothing else). The end result is a dude mecca which satiates the need for quality affordable burgers in the Perth CBD.

The venue itself isn’t going to knock your socks off. It feels a lot like a University nightclub which gets opened up during the day. Although it appeared that no one told the DJ – the music choice was reminiscent of the R&B room at Room 99 in Geelong – Bump, Bump, Bump…. Baby If You Give It To Me…. Independent Women. First class tunes.

The best part was that we appeared to be served by Boobarella from The Simpsons.

But enough about the venue, we are here to talk about the burger which came in at $14 with bacon plus $5 for chips.

The burger itself was in the upper echelon of Perth burgers (not an overly great achievement) in that it did the simple things right.

The patty was one of the best we have tried – it was clearly hand-made and the chef achieved the perfect balance of the Maillard Reaction and keeping the inside of the patty to a juicy medium. Pretty much full marks for the patty.

In addition to this, the bacon was cooked perfectly and the cheese was cooked on the patty whilst it was on the grill.

The sauce combination was a simple yet very effective mustard and tomato sauce. This was perfectly balance and left us thinking whether we had wandered into a fancier version of Hungry Jack’s by mistake.

As for the salads – salads on a burger are a lot like Sacremento Kings point guard Rajon Rondo, when he focuses on facilitation and making his teammates around him better then he is an asset to any team. When he lets his ego get in the way and tries to go outside of his role – he is detrimental to the locker room. Luckily, the salads on the Hood Burger knew their role and complimented the other ingredients by cutting through the richness.

Now it is at this point that I feel I need to raise what is probably the most pressing issue in burger society at the moment – does avocado belong on a burger? Or maybe a better way to phrase that question is why would anyone in their right mind believe that avocado belongs on a burger? When I think about these people I am drawn to a quote from the Dark Knight:

“Some men just want to watch the world burn.”

For some reason, one of the top-up players we enlisted the help of was on the side of avocado. I am without words.

The chips were the subject of great debate. A number of the crew were disappointed that the chips were dry. My response to this is two-fold:

1.      Who the hell wants a moist chip? Have you ever heard anyone say – “Oh yeah man those chips were so moist! I was in heaven. I love it when my chips are moist”.

2.      Dry chips are more conducive to sauce – the jalapeno mayo offered with the chips copped some flack as well.

So the chips were marked down very heavily by one member which diminished the overall rating. But we welcome a diverse range of opinions to give you the most complete picture possible.

Overall, this burger is well and truly worth the short stroll to the venue. Given the criticism that Howling’s Bar has copped, it is hard not to draw similarities with Richmond Captain Trent Cotchin. Clearly he has a few things to work out in terms of his performance but some of his attributes are league leading and it is just a matter of time before he finds his groove and is a force to be reckoned with.

Score – 38.8

 

Burger Bistro

Burger reviewed: The beef big smoke

Venue: Burger Bistro (Perth)

Date: 7/3/2014

The Burger Friday fellows begun their 2014 campaign by venturing to Shafto Lane in Perth's CBD to try out Burger Bistro - another one of Perth's pseudo burger chains. We promptly ordered the beef big smoke burger and hoped that the big smoke would be as flamboyant as the "big show" Glenn Maxwell, but without the annoying persona. The burger arrived in quicker than a Mitchell Johnson short ball and had the overall performance to match. But to explain the big smoke, we need to break it down into its parts. 

The patty was made from quality Western Australian ground beef and was cooked to a perfect medium. What was most pleasing was that the grill plate in the kitchen was clearly set at the appropriate temperature as the outside of the patty was charred to perfection which provided a nice bitter undertone to the burger. 

The bun was made of San Franciscan sourdough and was of high quality. Much like former San Francisco Giants Pitcher Brian Wilson, this bun had a somewhat hardened exterior but was softer on the inside. Structural integrity and burger management was a non-issue as this bun provided a structurally sound base while also adding the extra flare of that lightly sour flavour of a quality sourdough.  

The highlight of the toppings came from the perfectly crispy slice of pancetta. It provided a different texture and was a tad saltier than your traditional bacon rasher but not so much that it left you feeling thirsty. My only gripe was that there was only one slice of pancetta on the burger meaning that the gloriousness it provided was not in every bite. Some would liken the pancetta to that of Scott Gumbleton - you saw enough of it to know that it has talent but it just hasn't stayed on the park for long enough.

The big smoke used a perfectly melted slice of emmental cheese. The downfall of using emmental cheese (a variety of Swiss cheese) is that it is known as a fairly savoury cheese with very little sharpness. This meant that the subtle flavours of the cheese were overpowered by the stronger flavours of the other elements of the burger.   

The sauce of choice was a fairly run-of-the-mill BBQ sauce. Whilst this sauce did not detract from the burger, it lacked the typical smokiness of a BBQ sauce which really would have complimented the  other flavours. I recommend changing to some Masterfoods Smokey BBQ sauce - I love that stuff. I would genuinely spread it on my Weet Bix in the morning if it was socially acceptable.

The chips were crispy and plentiful for only a couple of bucks extra. However, a choice of condiments was lacking and we were forced to resort to using the chips to soak up the burger juices to add moisture. 

All in all, this was a solid burger made of the right stuff. As such, an appropriate comparison would be to former South African cricket captain Graeme Smith. A man who despite his technical deficiencies and lack of flare, will go down of one of the better cricketers in his countries history due to his consistency and fighting qualities. Much like Smith, there is elements of this burger that you would change (the sauce, Smith's slightly closed bat face whilst playing straight or his inability to open his mouth without sounding like a complete jouster), this burger is one you would want on your side before a hard days slog.

We recommend this burger if you are after a safe option. But we here at Burger Friday believe that burgers are like Pokemon - gotta eat 'em all! So maybe venture out for some obscurity.

Score - 39/50

The Shack

Burger reviewed: The Western King

Venue: The Shack (Perth)

Date: 26/07/2013

Today's burger adventure saw Burger Friday tackle the first of Perth's many pseudo burger chain restaurants. The venue of choice - The Shack (previously known as The Local Shack. And before that, The Burger Shack). What is particularly perplexing about the name changes of this venue is that The Shack does not give off the feeling of a shack at all. With its high ceilings, big doors and rustic paint work you could be forgiven for thinking you are chowing down in a cafe in inner-city Melbourne. But who cares about the venue? We are here for a burger.

The Shack boasts 18 different burgers ranging from the stock standard beef burger to a chicken burger called the "Thai Cockfight" (whenever I hear the word cockfight I can't help but think of Seinfeld episode where Kramer and Little Jerry Seinfeld take on Marcellino's "dog with glove on its head"). This presents an obvious selection dilemma in that we are spoilt for choice. However, as we have a selection policy of choosing a burger that our rating scale is not prejudicial towards, we ordered the Western King with cheese and bacon and got ready to nosh.    
  
The patty was well put together and had that fibrous texture indicative of a handmade patty. What became obvious from the start was the adventurous use of dried herbs and spices in the patty mixture which created a flavoursome first bite. My only gripe with the patty was that it was cooked to more of a well done than a medium which meant that some of juice from the meat had been cooked out of it. I would recommend that the chef at The Local Shack turn the temperature of the grill plate up slightly - this will allow a slight charring of the outside whilst keeping the inside juicy and medium rather than cooking the patty completely through (we should write a book on grilling burger patties - "A time to grill" or "To grill a mockingbird").

My main gripe with this burger is around the quality of the bun. It didn't seem fresh, was a bit on the crusty side and was quite heavy. And to make things even worse, this was one of the hardest burgers to eat from a structural integrity standpoint. This burger resisted all burger management techniques. Even the universally accepted "cut the burger in half" burger management technique (pictured above) - a technique so proven it has taken its rightful place along side the other game changing techniques such as the famed "bite and suck the filling" pie eating technique and the hair dressing methodology of putting the hair between two fingers and cutting above them. If it wasn't for Clause 7 of our sacred Constitution, I would have reached for the knife and fork.  

The salads were fresh and played their part. Salads on a burger is like Snicko in the Decision Review System - while it can add value, it is left out of the decision making process for good reason.

The sauce was the real winner. An eclectic mix of guacamole and seeded mustard which created a tangy and refreshing salsa that cleansed the palette with every bite. Full marks for the sauce. 

The chips were a quality side dish. Similar to the burger, they were sprinkled with dried herbs and spices and were accompanied by a quality sauce. Plentiful in supply (a large serving was enough for two people) and cooked to a level that saw them crunchy on the outside but remain fluffy on the inside.  

Overall, the herbs and spices used in the patty and chips teamed well with the extravagant sauce combination. However, the cooking of the patty and the poorness of the bun let the team down. This display of flare and extravagance only to be ultimately let down reminded me of Dean Wallis in the 1999 Preliminary Final against Carlton. A rugged defender without an attacking bone in his body, Wallis decided to take the game on in the final minute only to be caught by a Fraser Brown tackle, ultimately costing the Dons a chance of overrunning the Blues and a spot in the Granny.  

If you find yourself in the CBD and need a beef injection, check out The Local Shack and the vast array of burger treats it offers.

Score: 33/50

Prospect Espresso

Burger Reviewed: the Prospects Burger

Venue: Prospect Espresso - 2A Prospect Hill Rd, Camberwell

Date: 15 July 2013

On a stereotypical Melbourne day - torrential downpour followed by blue skies and sunshine - we ventured to Prospect Espresso in Camberwell. Espresso is the type of cafe that makes a name for itself through word of mouth; the type of place that you could be forgiven for overlooking on your way past the many shopfronts on Burke Rd, but fortunately for us this place has started to make a name for itself in burger enthusiast circles. Needless to say, we were not disappointed.

In a world where first impressions count more so than ever before, we were greeted promptly by an energetic and bubbly waitress who quickly found us a seat at the large wooden communal table. A growing trend in Melbourne hospitality, the table dominates the décor but is complemented by a mixture of smaller tables. Although space is at a premium, it is a well organized layout which fits nicely with the rustic furniture and fittings. It has somewhat of a refurbished inner-city warehouse apartment feel to it and although quiet loud, it still has a homely and welcoming vibe.

Although Prospect Espresso receives rave reviews for it's coffee, we ventured to this cafe to sample the house burger - house minced beef, bacon, cheese, pickles, lettuce, chips and aioli for the fair price of $18. It came out in good speed for what was a busy Friday afternoon but most impressive was the presentation. While some of us here at Burger Friday prefer the look of a greasy, juicy, American-style burger, I am one who prefers the postcard burger. This would be right at the top of that list (unfortunately my camera work on the iPhone 5 doesn't do this justice). Credit must be given for the use of props; the inclusion of the traditional (albeit miniature) frying basket to hold the chips is a great look.

The burger was smaller than what we're used to, but what it lacked in size it made up for in flavour. The burger was cooked to perfection, it was charred on the outside trapping in the moisture and juices from the gelatinous pattie. The ground and hand pressed pattie was lightly season and while some might have preferred a bigger statement from the pattie (in terms of herbs and spices), the precise cooking makes this pattie a winner. Many outstanding patties have been ruined by the chef (or should i say cook), but this was mastery of a fry pan at its finest.

It didn't stop there though. The bacon was equally impressive as it was crispy and charred, with enough rind left on to provide a salty crunch. While no one wants a pork belly rasher of bacon (i.e., 90% fat), the burger does benefit from having some of the natural fat stay on the bacon. This was evident here as the saltiness of the bacon balanced tang from the aioli. This rivals the Trunk Diner for best use of bacon on a burger - a real pleasure.

When you have two genuine stars like the pattie and the bacon, you can be forgiven for overlooking the other accompaniments. There was nothing to fault with these, the lettuce was crisp and the pickles provided a nice savoury touch. They were able contributors to a two starred attack, not too dissimilar to Jack Gunston or Pau Puopolo to the Hawthorn attack.

I have already touched on the presentation of the chips, but it is one thing to look impressive, it is another thing altogether to meet (and exceed) those expectations. These chips were top-notch. Golden brown, crunchy, seasoned yet fluffy and light in the middle. They were perfectly suited to the aioli which was fresh and light.

My only real gripe with this burger was the absence of a boutique beer, or any beer for that matter, to wash it down with. Hardly relevant in our culinary quest to find Melbourne's best burger, particularly given the number of licensed venues in close proximity, but there is something extra special about a soothing ale to accompany a delicious meal.

I had some difficulty, and agonised long and hard, as to who I would liken this burger to. Ultimately, I settled on Daniel Geale. The little known Australian boxer (which is changing quickly) is a no-nonsense, honest and rugged fighter. Where the likes of Mundine have polarised the Australian boxing public, Geale is a contemporary gentleman in a sport that is characterised by ego, salesmanship and bravado. Although he recently lost his IBF world title, he retained his humility and will be back fighting in those ranks before too long. Like Geale, the Espresso burger is understated and unpretentious and also has the potential to be a household name on the burger circuit. A relative unknown; it won't last for long.

Do yourself a favour and go sample this burger now. You will not be disappointed.

Burger Friday Rating: 41/50

The Angry Moose

Burger reviewed: The BELT The Moose

Venue: The Angry Moose

Date: 04/08/2013

Is there a better way to spend a Sunday than by taking a leisurely stroll down street to smash a burger? Maybe a "Silly Sunday" session with your footy mates after your season has just come to a end? Although the Burger Friday crew were a part of the former, we still got to sit there and witness the antics of the footy team (let's call them the Bankstown Foaklies) who were drowning their sorrows along side us. Most enjoyably, in true Silly Sunday fashion - one bloke brought his missus.

In light of the rather rowdy crowd making up the patronage of The Angry Moose, a venue known for manly style burger combinations, we calmly sat a safe distance away from the Foaklies and ordered the "BELT The Moose" burger. Settle down Nick Maxwell, this isn't cruelty to animals. It is simply the code name for the regular burger with bacon, egg, lettuce and tomato. Despite the backlog of orders, our burgers came out in reasonable time and the mere sight of burger had me salivating.

The patty was a real winner and provided the centerpiece for the rest of the elements of the burger to work around. It was of the ideal size and thickness, was cooked to perfection and had the crumbly and fibrous texture indicative of a handmade beef patty. Not to mention a nice sprinkling of dried herbage which was worked into the patty mixture. Some burger makers endeavour to impart the majority of flavour through a flamboyant patty mixture whereas others focus more on sauce combinations. We don't have a preference as long as the end result is quality (much the same as our opinion on Josh Kennedy's kicking action).      

The bun was one of the better ones we have tried in the great state of Western Australia. A lightly toasted Turkish style bun which was solid enough to hold the burger together but light enough to soak up all of the juices. It was the type of breadage you would happily dunk in a container of hommus for a light Sunday snack.

The burger was complemented by a simple yet very effective sauce combination of Heinz Big Red and mayo. The two seemingly plain ingredients combined into what can only be described as "fancy sauce". And like Dale in Step Brothers, "I like it".

The remaining ingredients for which this burger gets its name added to the already solid set of flavours while not overpowering the stars of the show. The runny yolk of the egg added a creaminess which was complemented by the saltiness of the bacon and the sweetness of the grilled onions. In my opinion, the lettuce and tomato are out of place on a manly burger - which would leave bacon and egg as the additional ingredients in what would be called the "BE The Moose" burger. Just food for thought.

Some additional food for thought - Tiger Woods' ex-wife, Elin Nordegren, currently sits fifth on the PGA tour money list for the 2013 season behind Brandt Snedeker - this automatically qualifies her for all four major championships in 2014. I thought this was worth a mention.

The chips were the highlight. An extremely generous serving of well sized chips accompanied by some garlic Aioli. The most enjoyable facet of these chips was the superb crunchiness you got from the outer chip while maintaining the appropriate level of fluffiness inside. The outside of each chip was slightly blistered and when consumed, these blistered spots seemed to burst with crunch and flavour. Anyone in our readership know how this is accomplished? Perhaps someone whose parents owned a fish and chip shop?
  
Overall, this burger hit all of the right notes. The flavours were all there - the bitterness from the patty, saltiness from the bacon and sweetness from the grilled onions were complemented by a texturally complete burger.

One warning I will give in relation to this burger is the dreaded "food baby" you have to deal with afterwards. Both times I have had the Angry Moose burger for lunch, I have felt so full for the rest of the day that I have not eaten dinner. Therefore, I imagine that this burger would not be one you would prefer to consume before or during a big afternoon on the sherberts. This phenomenon left me feeling sorry for the Foaklies.

I enjoyed everything about this burger but left a bit full. So the sportsperson this burger will draw comparisons to is the much maligned English offspinner Monty Panesar. A man known for his passion for the game and extravagant wicket celebrations, Monty recently landed himself in hot water for relieving himself on a nightclub bouncer when he too found himself a little full. A revenge a number of people would like to inflict on a power tripping bouncer I would imagine.  

Honourable mentions for people who have landed in hot water for relieving themselves in public - Brendan Fevola, Mark Williams (during a VFL game), Nate Robinson and R Kelly.

If you find yourself on Beaufort Street, don't think twice about stepping in for a quality burger.

Score: 38/50

Alfred's Kitchen

Burger reviewed: The Hamburger with Bacon, Egg and Cheese 

Venue: Alfred's Kitchen (Perth) 

Date:  19/07/2013 

Today's burger adventure marks a significant milestone for the Burger Friday fraternity with this Burview being our 50th. Hazzah! 

When the Fellow's first came together in February 2011, we believed we had what it takes to complete multiple burger reviews. Not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7. Like the Miami Heat and the recently crowned King James, we at Burger Friday find it necessary to surround ourselves with talented people in order to put ourselves in the best position to succeed. As such, the lure of the 50th Burview saw Burger Friday introduce a number of high priced recruits - including All-Australian Ruckmen Nic Naitanui, a trio of Australian Diamonds netballers and Collingwood Premiership player Nathan Brown's brother Mitchell. Honestly, I haven't seen a team recruit this well since the Adelaide Crows gave up Chris Groom for Andrew McLeod in 1994. 

50 is a number whose significance is reflected in many sports. From a bullseye on a dart board to the quick raise of the bat and tweak of the box associated with a half ton in cricket. But most enjoyably, the number 50 is reserved a special place in the annals of basketball history. It was the number worn by Hall of Famer, "The Admiral" David Robinson. And it is the number retired by the University of North Carolina Tarheels for "Psycho T" Tyler Hansborough - a man whose idiotic persona on the basketball court has paved the way for other A-grade jousters such as Lance Stephenson, whose disappearing act in this years Eastern Conference Finals was made all the more enjoyable by the fact that he sledged LeBron for being a choker last year. Oh how I love watching people's comments come back to bite them on the arse! But it could be worse, Lance could have acted like former UFC Middleweight Champion Andersen Silva in his recent world title fight - where Andersen copped a glancing hook from Chris Weidman, acted like he was knocked out, only to be knocked out cold one second later. 

But enough clowning around, let's get to the aforementioned milestone review. 

Alfred's Kitchen is a quaint truck stop style burger kiosk located just across the road from Perth's Bassendean Oval, the home of the Swan Districts Football Club and WAFL sensation Murray Newman. Alfred's kitchen has specialised in serving fish 'n' chip style burger treats since 1946. One of the more enjoyable facets of Alfred's service was the open fire roaring out the front, which signals that Alfred's is open for business. With my inner pyro chomping at the bid, I had a look at the menu (or the "Graham Manou" as I like to call it) and Alfred's boasts over 40 burgers ranging from the coronary option double hamburger with egg, bacon and cheese to the lighter option of the lentil. We promptly ordered the single hamburger with bacon egg and cheese and got ready to chow down. 
  

The patty was, as it should always be, the star of the show. The subtle bitterness from the slightly charred outside of the patty mingled seductively with the coagulated meat fibres in a way that only a perfectly cooked handmade meat patty can. The juice and flavours covered and excited all parts of the palette like they were Igors Vihrovs dutch winking and flat bagging his way to the gold medal in the floor exercise at the Sydney Olympics (just wanted to send a shout out to our Latvian readership (almost 150 views from the great country). Anyone remember this bloke from Roy and H.G.'s "The Dream"?). I cannot say enough for how well this patty hit the spot. 

The bun was exquisite. Like a sesame freckled breast of an angel lightly toasted to perfection. There is so much to be said for the simple act of lightly toasting a burger bun. Actually, from this day forward I am going to declare a war on untoasted burger buns - these should be outlawed from burger production the way centre circle bounced pads were outlawed from the AFL in 1999 when they caused Shaun Rehn's leg to snap in half. 

The salads played their part - crisp and refreshing. Salads on a burger are like the guys making up the bench on an NBA team - slapping a towel on the ground is as flamboyant as they should get (Patty Mills - if there was a ring for towel waving, you'd be the finals MVP), but their main job is to hold back the other bench sitters when the stars of the show heat up, so that nobody gets a technical foul. 
The condiment of choice for Alfred's was a simple dollop of Heinz Big Red. Whilst some may gripe at the lack of a gourmet sauce, I applaud it. This is after all a burger aiming to do all of the simple things right, to become a whole that is more than the sum of it's parts. What you get when you have a "simple" burger try to be something else with an extravagant sauce combo is an unmitigated disaster - a Tony Romo if you will. Romo is one of the more talented QB's in the NFL but tries to do some extremely extravagant things on a football field (19 picks in the 2012 season alone). Stick to doing the fundamentals well instead champ.  
 
The chips were a perfect accompaniment to the burger and stayed true to the brief. They were crunchy, light on the inside and adequately dressed due to the selection of condiments. One of which was chicken salt. Nuff said. 

The overall rating of this burger suggests that there are some aspects for improvement, but if you start adding extravagant ingredients you take away the burger's identity. We here at Burger Friday encourage burger diversity and can find enjoyment out of all styles of burger. So I would not change a thing here. 

The sports person who I will compare this burger to is fast bowling icon turned breast cancer ambassador Glenn McGrath. As a result, I am dubbing the Alfred's Kitchen burger - "The line and length" burger. This burger hit all the right notes with its simplistic design and ingredients. It is a burger that would be successful all year round and in all kinds of conditions. As for Glenn McGrath's association with the number 50 - he scored arguably the most loved half century in all of cricket against our rivals from across the ditch. I cannot help but laugh at the look on Pidgeon's face after he slog sweeps Vettori for six. Enjoy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xo89Fh25a9w 

What is next for Burger Friday you ask? Well our fellow 50, Curtis Jackson, got shot nine times and "he ain't going no where". So buckle in an enjoy the ride to 100. 

Score: 41/50

Metro Bar and Bistro

Burger reviewed: The beef burger 

Venue: Metro Bar and Bistro (Perth CBD)

Date: 12/04/2013 

Today's burger adventure marks the first of many Burviews conducted in the booming Australian town of Perth. After being promised year round sunshine before I moved over here, I was quite surprised to find the first Burger Friday in my new home town was on a day in which the rain was absolutely persisting down. A sign of things to come? I am not sure. 

The first venue in the Perth CBD I managed to mosey on down to was that of Metro Bar and Bistro. A fancy looking restaurant which had a comprehensive menu full of all your favourite pub food. However, we were here for the burger so lets make like MC Hammer and  "break it down".

The patty was the star of the show - it seemed to be handmade, was cooked to a juicy medium and just melted in your mouth. But the sizing of the patty was completely wrong in that the patty was quite tall but no more than 2 inches in radius. This meant that it left a good inch of uncovered bun either side of the patty. I haven't seen something so small be that good since Romesh Kaluwitharana used to towel up Glenn McGrath in the first 15 overs of a one-dayer.

The bun was fluffy, soft and acted like a perfect sponge soaking up the juices and sauce that cascaded down its edges. But due to the sheer minuteness of the patty there were some structural integrity issues. The patty was like a wet cake of soap, just slipping around inside the bun making it difficult to sink your teeth into.

The sauce combination was delicious! A nice dollop of Heinz Big Red and a helpful lathering of what can only be described as a souvalaki style garlic sauce. Picture a sauce that is not as garlicy as a sauce that you would expect to get at 3am on a Saturday night on Brunswick Street but a much better sauce than you would get at Anthony Koutoufides' chain of souvalaki stores (what a monumental flop they have proven to be). But it could be worse for Kouta - he could be James Hird!

The toppings played their part - crispy lettuce with a couple of fairly thick cut tomato and beetroot slices. Salad on a burger is a lot like a good caddy in golf - they do their job but they never get their mug on the TV. I am talking to you Stevie Williams! Adam Scott is the hero and not you champ! 

The chips were of the highest quality. They had a superb crunch and were still fluffy and soft in the middle. It was a real pity that they were in short supply.

As this is my first Perth review, I have decided to apply a Western Australian theme to today’s sporting analogy. And to be truthful I am spoilt for choice. Some of the sporting greats hailing from or calling WA home include D.K. Lillee, Adam Gilchrist, Margaret Court, Peter Matera, Craig Parry and arguably the greatest man to ever hold a hockey stick (trust me I know) in Jamie Dwyer. 

However, as this week saw the end of March Madness in the United States (the fact that it ended in April is almost as stupid as the United States crowning their National Football League winners as 'World Champions'), I have decided to pay homage to WA's best basketballer in Lucien 'Luc' Longley. In his four years at College, a tall and slender (at the time) Longley led the University of New Mexico Lobo's to the big dance each year, only to have his teams reputation for that period tarnished by the "Lobogate" scandal - a lurid episode involving forged academic transcripts and other dishonest behaviour designed to permit individuals entirely lacking academic credentials to represent the University of New Mexico Basketball Programme. 

Clearly, Longley and the Lobo's had a few problems early on. But once Longley filled out and entered the NBA he went on to be a starting centre for the Chicago Bulls and occupied the paint in the latter of the two Chicago Bulls' three-peats in the 1990's. The 1995-1998 Bulls are arguably the greatest basketball team of all-time (in the 1995-96 season the Chicago Bulls amassed a world record 72 wins in an 82 game season en route to winning it all). The Metro burger is very similar to Luc Longley in this regard, if the patty put on a bit of size (call the Weapon! He should be free these days) and occupies more of the bun then all of a sudden this burger is a cracker.

Give it a bash if you are in the area.

Score: 35/50   

The South Melbourne Trader

Burger reviewed: The Wagyu Beef Burger

Venue: The South Melbourne Trader

Date: 5/4/2013

On a glorious autumn day in Melbourne, this weeks Burger Friday saw the Fellows stroll to sample the burger wares of the South Melbourne Trader (TSMT) in South Melbourne.

Located on the corner of Market and Cecil Streets, at the bottom of the Spotlight centre, TSMT is figuratively a Scott Muller throw away from one of the iconic food spots in Melbourne, the South Melbourne Market, birth place of perhaps the world’s most famous Dim Sims. An eclectic space, with high ceilings and cray fishing pots for light fittings, TSMT is a somewhat unassuming venue. With the suburb turning into a “foodie” mecca in recent years resulting in significant competition, it may have been easy to miss TSMT amongst some of its more recognisable/glamorous neighborhood counterparts such as St Ali and Chez Dre.

Having worked nearby for a significant period of time, I had often walked past this venue without second thought of it being good for anything more than a takeaway coffee (they serve Five Senses if anyone cares). But with what we experienced on Friday, TSMT should rightly hold its own in the upper echelon of establishments not only in the area, but across Melbourne.

With new head chef, Johnon MacDonald (previously of Rockpool & Ginger Boy) in front of the hot plate and a fresh new menu that included a Wagyu beef burger, we were given the tipoff that TSMT was worth giving a go. That tipoff may have been on par with getting told that Black Caviar was going to be a fairly handy horse before its first race. 

As aforementioned, the burger reviewed today was the Wagyu beef burger. Served on sensational looking pieces of brioche bun with bronzed curves that would make a Serena Williams envious, the burger incorporated a sizeable handmade beef patty, gruyere cheese, pickled sliced cucumber, pickled red onion, tomato, cos lettuce, and finished with tomato Jamaican jerk style relish spread on the bottom and fresh mayo on the top.

The pickled ingredients served to provide both sweetness and tang, something that is greatly savoured by the Burger Friday Fellows, as well as a great crunchy contrast in texture to the softness of the bun. The Wagyu meat patty was just melt in your mouth goodness, cooked to a perfect medium, every mouthful was a pleasure.  A special mention must be given to the Jamaican jerk sauce, which was unlike anything we have witnessed before on our Friday adventures. Somewhat similar to a tomato kasundi relish, this unique flavor and spiciness was a #winner.   The pairing of the mayo and the Jamaican jerk sauce was an excellent combination. Whilst vastly different flavours, they were highly complementary to each other like ying and yang or in sporting parlance, Bill Russell and Bob Cousy, Kobe and Shaq, or Lebron James and Dwayne Wade if you will.

On the topic of complementary combinations, the burger came accompanied by a generous serving of hand cut chips with the skin on, more Jamaican jerk sauce and a selection of imported and local beer including the likes of Dos Blockos and White Rabbit. As part of a promotional special, all of this came to the impressive price of $19.50. Whilst we can’t guarantee that the special will last, we can guarantee the quality of the burger will.

This burger we are proudly dubbing the Gary Ablett Jnr. The man they nicknamed God, Gary Ablett Snr was one of the most freakish players to have ever played AFL. However his offspring Gary Ablett Jnr in the eyes of many, in particular this Burger Friday Fellow, has managed to surpass the old man. Similarly with this burger it is clear to see the influence and pedigree from the Rockpool training of the chef. However for mine, surpassing in both taste and value this burger is better than its proverbial old man and should rightly be held as one of the best burgers in Melbourne.

Congratulations Johnon MacDonald and the South Melbourne Trader…..ladies and gentleman we have a new leader!

Burger Friday Score: 44.13/50

Jimbo and Rex

Burger Reviewed: The Jimbo and Rex Burger

Venue: Jimbo and Rex

Date: 28/3/2013

Given that Good Friday funnily enough happens to fall on a Friday, the Burger Friday Fellows this week have decided to fall in line with religious tradition and do the right thing by avoiding meat this Friday. So instead of missing out on what we love, we decided to move Burger Friday forward instead. As such, for this week's burger the Fellows visited the bright lights of Crown Casino to sample the burger at Jimbo and Rex on what was essentially Burger Thursday.

Formerly known as the Pub, Jimbo and Rex is the newly fitted out venue located at the west end of Crown. Having visited the old Pub and now the new Jimbo and Rex, I must say it was like going from the proverbial boiled lollies to chocolates. Or given that its the Easter long weekend, from home brand to red tulip chocolate eggs and bunnies. Completely revamped with a swish new interior, this pub decides to stick to the classics and serves up all the traditional counter meal finery of parmas, steaks, fish and chips and most importantly burgers.

The burger reviewed today was the Jimbo and Rex burger which comes with grilled beef, cheddar, cheese, egg, dill pickle, spicy relish, smoked bacon, chunky chips and a side of coleslaw. As the signature burger of the venue, and one which they have attached their name to, one can assume that this burger should epitomise all that Jimbo and Rex stand for as a venue. So if that is correct, then Jimbo and Rex want to be known as providing big, solid meals. This burger was a monster!

The burger to mouth ratio was one of the biggest we have seen on our Burger Friday journeys. I would put my money on even the great trash talker himself, Charles Barkley, widely known for having the biggest mouth (and worst golf swing) in professional sports, struggling to get his dentures under and over the top & bottom buns of this great meat sandwich in a single mouthful. Now this is not something to complain about, as everyone loves good value for money, but it serves more as a word of warning that unless you have got the lips of Steve Tyler, wrapping your lips around this burger requires a plan of attack worthy of Sun Tzu.

Despite its size, this burger was well cooked, and quite well proportioned, with special mention going to the fried egg which was cooked enough to have a deliciously gooey yolk but still be somewhat crispy on the outside. Egg on a burger is not something seen much outside the burger with the lot at the fish and chip shop, but when done right, it can be as great. Its not dissimilar to the adding of the eccentric but potent Chris "Birdman" Andersen to an already unbelievable team in Miami. When done well it can be the perfect addition as we recently saw with the Birdman playing a key role in the amazing 27 game winning streak. Done badly it can literally implode like the Birdman did in 2006 when he was expelled from the league for drug offences. Fortunately on the Jimbo and Rex burger it was done very well. 

The sides of chips and coleslaw were passable accompaniments to the burger, but definitively nothing worth writing home about. The most disappointing thing for me was the dill pickle. As visible from the photo, it was served sitting perched on top of the burger, like some kind of deity on a throne. But in reality this was a fake messiah (Michael Malthouse at Carlton anyone?), as it was definitively more cucumber than pickle.

The inclusion of a good sliced dill pickle could have really added some much needed tang to this burger to offset the savoury meaty notes and achieve that perfect balance of flavours. Nethertheless this is a good burger without being spectactular.

In light of its genuine size and solid all round performance, I am going to dub this burger the Mark Roberts. Roberts was appropriately nicknamed the Fridge due to his considerable bulk. An AFL journeyman, having played for North Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane, Roberts was a genuine utility who was a good player (and premiership player) without being a genuine star. The Fridge is also credited with one of the fastest knee reconstructions in AFL history which is probably appropriate given the quick turnaround on the conversion of the Pub to become Jimbo and Rex.

If you are around the Casino and can't get into Merrywell or Rockpool this is a solid alternative. Just make sure you come hungry!

Burger Friday Score: 36/50

Maha Bar and Grill

Burger reviewed: The Best Burger

Date: 22/3/13

Venue: Maha Bar and Grill

Maha Bar & Grill is a one hatted restaurant known for its Mediterranean inspired Middle Eastern cuisine prepared by renowned Chef Shane Delia (who recently snaked his way through a field of carnage to finish second to Brad Hodge in the Celebrity Grand Prix at Albert Park). In much the same fashion, the burger at Maha has snaked its way through a field of fierce and not-so-fierce competitors to take ownership of second place on our list of burgers. So the aim of my blog entry today will be to pay tribute to the guys who finished second (aka the bridesmaids) with a little Mediterranean inspired Middle Eastern influence (at least in the general vicinity of those areas - geography is not my strong point). 

Usually when we blog about a burger we break it down into its parts and then critique how well these parts interplay as a whole. However, that is a little more difficult for this burger as it was simply made up of a bun, patty and bacon in a simple but extremely effective offering in what is commonly referred to in today’s pop culture as "dude food". Let me be the first to say that I like this style of burger – there is a lot to be said about getting the fundamentals of a burger right (just look at Tim Duncan).   

Firstly, we will take a look at the patty. A patty of this thickness presents a great deal of difficulty for the person cooking it in that it is difficult to cook it all the way through. However, this was not the case at Maha as the patty was cooked perfectly and was spiced to perfection. This big-hitting, beefy patty with loads of flair is not dissimilar to former Moroccan Tennis player Younes El Aynaoui - best known for his five-hour five-set marathon loss to Andy Roddick at the 2003 Australian Open. 

The bun was light and fairly skinny but was big enough not to cause any structural integrity issues. The slim physique of the bun reminded me of former Moroccan 1500m runner Hicham El Guerrouj - most famous for his choke Silver Medal in the Sydney 2000 Olympics. El Guerrouj was highly favoured to take out the Gold Medal in the event but mindblowingly forgot to chase down his pacemaker in the race, Kenyan Noah Ngeny (he really should take a leaf out of Sebastian Vettel’s book on that one). 

The toppings on the burger were simple yet very effective. The prosciutto added saltiness while the cheese and sauces (olive mayo and relish) worked in perfect harmony to cut through the richness of the burger and bring it all together (there is an analogy in there somewhere about the two Spanish birds who won the Silver Medal in synchronised swimming at London but you get the point).   

All in all, this burger is an absolute belter and is for a limited-time only. Hopefully, the "beer and burger for $15” offer forms a permanent part of Maha’s menu and the burger does not suffer a fall from grace once the offer gets taken away in a few weeks time. If it does, this burger will fittingly draw comparisons to Cypriot Tennis Player Marcos Baghdatis. Most famous for his run to the final at the 2006 Australian Open, Marcos has since fallen out of the World’s Top-30 rankings and spends more time smashing racquets than he does smashing winners. However, Baghdatis’ run in 2006 was truly something to behold and one that made him a favourite with Australian fans, if only for a limited time. 

Get around this burger right meow as it will leave you wanting seconds! What else would you expect from a Doggies supporter? 

Burger Friday Score: 43/50

Huxtaburger

Burger reviewed: The “Theo”

Date: 12/3/13

Venue: Huxtaburger

Today’s burger adventure saw the Fellow’s mosey on down to Huxtaburger on Smith Street to rate a burger joint that has quite frankly been hyped up more than Joe Daniher and Jack Watts put together. But unlike Daniher and Watts, Huxtaburger actually delivered.

Immediate points were given due to the fact that this burger joint and its various burgers are named after characters on The Bill Cosby Show. We immediately ordered the “Theo” – named after Theodore Aloysius Huxtable, the middle child and only son of Cliff and Clair Huxtable. Theo’s character was played by Malcolm-Jamal Warner, who after his role of The Bill Cosby Show, directed a much acclaimed teen-oriented public health video entitled – Time Out: The truth about HIV, AIDS, and You. Useless information aside, lets review the burger.

The first thing you need to know about this burger is that it is an absolute juice box! However, the burgery goodness that ends up all over your hands and shirt (anyone remember that robust woman on Almost Footy Legends who spilled the entire pie all over her shirt?) is so pure, I do not recommend ever washing your hands again after eating this burger. Slightly unhygienic, I know, but look on the bright side – you could still get a job at Domino’s.

The patties were thick enough and tasty enough but they seemed processed and looked like the Black and Gold hamburgers that we used to have after VicHit down at the Port Campbell Swans Cricket Club (minus the Hall’s Fruita cans – seriously how good was that stuff).

The toppings played their part. The bacon was crisp; the cheese was melted and provided that savoury/nutty element; and the salads provided the burger with freshness without being too noticeable (salads in a burger should be like an AFL umpire – there to make sure that nothing gets out of control but you shouldn’t even notice him (or her – love you Chelsea) on the field).

The sauce combo of mustard and aioli complemented the burger well. A lot of the burgers on the lower end of our scale could benefit from including mustard in their burgers as it provides a zip that really brings a burger together.

The chips were crispy, plentiful and were dunked it an abundance of Heinz Big Red.

Now to the major talking point – the bun. Huxtaburger use a brioche bun that is definitely on the sugary and greasy end of the brioche scale. Some people love buns like that (myself included) and some people really do not enjoy it (usually the kind of people that dab the oil off of a pizza with a paper towel before they eat it). Whether you like this style of bun or not, the bun was slightly too small to contain the burger and structural integrity issues arose. Come to think of it, we really should do an instructional piece on burger management.  

All in all, this burger has all the talent but the processed patty meant it fell a tad short of the top burgers. Therefore, I am comparing this burger to that of Shane Watson (prepare for a rant). To be perfectly clear, I am comparing this burger to Shane Watson during his Allan Border Medal years where he was making 90 after 90 after 90 (seriously, how good was it seeing his dream shattered every time he went out? They even made a Facebook group about it).

The main reason I make the Shane Watson analogy is that while it is all well and good to parade yourself on TV ads and magazine covers (Huxtaburger recently graced the cover of Gourmet Traveller Magazine), a 90 is simply not as good as a ton. And whilst a processed patty can be above average, it is simply not as good as the flavour that comes from a handmade beef patty. If you fix this patty then the Theo gives our number 1 spot a shake.

Now for the Shane Watson of today. Shane Watson was recently sent home from India for refusing to provide his Coach with an email or text message detailing three areas of his game that he could improve on for the remainder of the series. Allow me to take the liberty of doing this for you Shane:

1.       You are susceptible to LBW’s early on in your innings because you are too slow (both on your feet and in general) – this is evidenced by your recorded skin folds that would make even Mark Cosgrove cringe.

2.       You play ridiculously attacking shots too early on in your innings and give way too many chances – even Brad Haddin would say that.

3.       Your profound lack of ticker makes opponents salivate at the mere sight of you – all you have to do is watch how slowly you chase after a ball in the outfield or how you bat when Australia is trying to save a match.

Please forward Mickey Arthur’s mobile number to me and I will happily send that through.

Score: 40/50